Hang Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    TACO HELL!!!!

    Hot 1 year ago

    by Peter Leppik

    The following is a *true* story. It amused the hell out of me while it was happening. I hope it isn't one of those "had to be there" things.

    On my way home from the second job I've taken for the extra holiday ca$h I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of
    the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about people getting mad at me.

    Me: "Hi, I'd like one seven layer burrito please, to go."

    Server: "Is that it?"

    Me: "Yep."

    Server: "That'll be $1. 04, eat here?"

    Me: "No, it's "TO-GO" [I hate effort duplication]."

    At this point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny and

    Server: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right more...

    Q: What do little ghosts drink?
    A: Evaporated milk.
    Q: Why do cemeteries have fences around them?
    A: Because people are dying to get in.
    Q: When do ghosts usually appear?
    A: Just before someone screams.
    Q: What should you say when you meet a ghost?
    A: ''How do you boo, sir? How do you boo?''
    Q: What's a ghost's favorite breakfast?
    A: Ghost toasties with booberries.
    Q: What's soft, moldy and flies?
    A: A spoiled bat.
    Q: What did the policeman say when a black widow spider ran down his back?
    A: ''You're under a vest!''
    Q: What happened to the monster that took the five o'clock train home?
    A: He had to give it back.
    Q: Why did the monster salute his vegetable soup?
    A: He looked in his bowl and saw a kernel of corn.
    Q: What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
    A: A dead ringer.
    Q: What did Dracula say then he saw a giraffe for the first time?
    A: I'd like to get to gnaw you.
    Q: Which more...

    Hanging sign

    Hot 5 years ago

    A traveller in a strange town found that his watch stopped.
    He happened to see a door with a big clock hanging outside, so he stepped in.
    An elderly Jewish man attended him and he explained that his watch needed fixing.
    The elderly man said " I am sorry, sir I cannot help you, I am a mohel not a watchmaker"
    The man replied, surprised " If you are a mohel why do you hang a clock outside your door?" The mohel replied "Well, if you were a mohel, what would YOU hang outside your door?"

    The Fart Zodiac

    Hot 2 years ago

    Aries

    The Ram. Their farts are "Built Ram Tough". They may feel like Curly-Qs coming out of their asses because their farts mimic the curves of a ram's horns. They, the farts, sometimes like to butt heads with other farts. Since people born under the sign of Aries show strong leadership and like to get things started, they are always the first ones to fart while around other people. Their farts tend to be loud since they are energetic. Do you like to hear robust farts? Too shy to be the first one to fart? Get with an Aries.

    Taurus

    The Bull. Their farts can be very stubborn, and once released, they can stink up a space with power for very long periods of time-longer than average. Their farts just don't want to go away. Their farts can even be kinda sharp and hurt their *******s when they come out, because they are big and mimic the sharp horns of the bull. Since Taurus people love sensual pleasures, they must take care not to over-indulge and more...

    Claim you were a Christmas tree in your former life. If s/he tries to bring one into the room, scream bloddy murder and trash on the floor.
    Go to the mall with your roomate and sit on Santa's lap. Refuse to get off.
    Wear a Santa suit all the time. Deny you're wearing it.
    Sit in a corner in the fetal position rocking back and forth chanting, "Santa Claus is coming to town, Santa Claus is coming to town..."
    Hang mistle-toe in the doorway. When your roomate enters or leaves the room, plant a wet one on his/her lips.
    Hang a stocking with your roomates name on it. Collect coal and sharp objects in it. If s/he asks, say "you've been very naughty this year."
    Paint your nose red and wear antlers. Constantly complain about how you never get to join in on the reindeer games.
    Make conversation out of Christmas Carols. (I.E. "You know, I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistle-toe last night.")
    Wrap yourself in Christmas more...

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