Imaginary Jokes / Recent Jokes

Can you...
imagine an imaginary menagerie manager
imagining managing an imaginary menagerie?

Teacher-The Axis Of The Earth Is An Imaginary Line. Can U Tell Sunil Why It Is Useful?
Sunil-It Is Simple, It Is Useful For Hanging Imaginary Clothes!!!

We're sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. -Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it will always do it. -Les Aspin, D., Wisconsin
Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. -Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.
Alliance, n.: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pocket that they cannot separately plunder a third.
-Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Boundary, n.: In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of another. -Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Peace, n.: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting. -Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's more...

We all knew part of this as kids, but I never knew the whole thing...
If a woodchuck could chuck wood,
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck,
If a woodchuck could chuck wood?
He would chuck, he would, as much as he could,
If a woodchuck could chuck wood.
Can you imagine an imaginary menagerie manager imagining managing an imaginary menagerie?
Ned Nott was shot and Sam shott was not.
So it is better to be Shott than Nott.
Some say Nott was not shot.
But Shott says he shot Nott.
Either the shot Shott shot at Nott was not shot, or Nott was shot.
If the shot Shott shot shot Nott, Nott was shot.
But if the shot Shott shot shot Shott, then Shott was shot, not Nott.
However, the shot Shott shot shot not Shott, but Not.

During a simulated attack, the troops have to defend themselves against an imaginary enemy, as the sergeant calls it. Bawling out orders, he notices that one recruit shows little response. "You there," the sergeant shouts, "the imaginary enemy is advancing, and your are caught in the crossfire. Action!" The recruit takes two steps to one side.
"What are you doing, man?" Yells the sergeant, purple with fury. "I`m taking shelter behind an imaginary tree, Sergeant," answers the recruit calmly.