A guy walks into a bar, sits down and has a drink. Suddenly, a man hollers at him,' 'I screwed your mom last night!'' Disturbed, the man tries to ignore him.
Again, he hears,' 'Your mom was good in bed last night!'' Again, he tries to ignore it.
The man is just about to speak again but the guy stops him and says,' 'Dad, go home, you're drunk!''IKICKASS
As a drunk guy staggers out of the pussy club one Friday evening, a fire engine races past, siren wailing and lights flashing.
Immediately, the drunk starts chasing the engine, running as fast as he can until eventually he collapses, gasping for breath.
In a last act of desperation he shouts after the fire engine, “If that’s the wayyou want it, you can keep your fucking ice creams!”
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan Bank, and says she wants to open a savings account. The accounts person asks her how much she would like to deposit to open the account and the little old lady says, "Three million dollars." The accounts person is startled, and says, "In what form?" and the little old lady says, "Cash. I've got it here in this bag..." and the accounts person looks and, sure enough, the lady has a big grocery bag just chock full of green stuff with big denominations. This is a highly unusual event, and the accounts person excuses herself to get the president of the bank to handle this one. He arrives, and escorts the little old lady to his office to handle it personally. Once in his office, he asks the little old lady where she got so much money. She says, "Gambling." "Gambling?", he says. "What sort of gambling?" "Oh, I make bets with people on all sorts of things, and I usually win. For more...
A little boy was in school, he raised his hand and asked the teacher to go to the bathroom. The teacher said, "First you have to say your abc's." So the kid says, "abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz." The teacher says, "You forgot the P. Where's the P." And the boy says, "running down my leg."
A little old lady walked into the... "A little old lady walked into the main branch of the Chase Manhattan Bank
holding a large paper bag in her hand. She told the young man at the window
that she wished to open an account with the bank and deposit the $3 million
she had in the bag. She said that prior to doing so she wished to meet the
president of the bank due to the large amount of money involved.
The teller opened the bag and saw bundles of $100 bills and thinking this a
reasonable request telephoned the president's secretary to make an appointment
for the lady.
Later the lady was escorted upstairs and ushered into the more...