Imaginary Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    1. In an imaginary world a kiss would signify the end of sexual tension and the beginning of a relationship. In college, it means somebody is horny.
    2. In an imaginary world, "I really like spending time with you," and "You're cool," mean I REALLY like spending time with you and you ARE cool. In college, it means "will you have sex with me?"
    3. In an imaginary world, holding hands is the first sign of true love. In college it means someone is too drunk to stand on their own.
    4. In an imaginary world the guy buys dinner and a movie and kisses you goodnight at your front door. In college, there is no such thing as a dinner and a movie and at the end of a date, most guys want a hell of lot more that a kiss goodnight.
    5. In an imaginary world, men aren't afraid to admit their feelings. In college, if you ask them what they want or why they kissed you they respond, "Why do you think?" Refer to number one for definition.
    6. In an more...

    Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. -Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
    If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it will always do it. -Les Aspin, D., Wisconsin
    Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. -Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.
    Alliance, n.: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pocket that they cannot separately plunder a third.
    -Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
    Boundary, n.: In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of another. -Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
    Peace, n.: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting. -Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's more...

    Budget cuts to the Defence force forced the training team to start doing mock combat using no explosives, guns, or basically any equipment what-so-ever, so when it came to a training scenario, the Sergeant in charge tells his recruits that they are under imaginary fire, and what do they do?
    So all of the recruits except one scatter and get down behind "stuff", and get into returning fire positions.
    The Sergeant notices this one recruit standing out in the open, quite relaxed and unfazed.
    Yelling, the Sergeant asks, "What the devil do you think you're doing? You're under fire!"
    So the recruit takes one step to the left and remains still.
    Now the Sergeant's really annoyed. He yells again, "What the Hell are you doing? You're under imaginary fire, take cover!"
    The recruit turns to him and replies, "I'm taking cover behind this imaginary tree Sergeant!"

    Can you...
    imagine an imaginary menagerie manager
    imagining managing an imaginary menagerie?

    Follow them everywhere.
    Moo when they say your name.
    Pretend to have amnesia.
    Say everything backwards.
    Give yourself a swirly.
    Run around with a lamp shade on your head yelling, "The sun!!! It's dying!!!"
    Run into walls.
    Sing at the top of your lungs while running around the house in your underwear (or naked for that matter).
    Have nervous breakdowns at spontaneous times.
    Say that wearing clothes is against your religion.
    Pretend to worship the devil.
    Stand over them at 4 in the morning with a HUGE grin on your face and yell, "Good morning sunshine!!!"
    Snort loudly when you laugh and then laugh harder.
    Run in circles.
    Recite a whole movie 3 times.
    Pretend to beat yourself up.
    Pluck someone's hair out and yell, "DNA!!!"
    Slither everywhere.
    Wear a sticker that says, "i'm a retard!!!"
    Wear your pants on your head and your shirt on your waist... tell them you're making a more...

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