Recruit Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Seems there was a young soldier, who, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn't have a rifle.
    "That's no problem, son," said the sergeant. "Here, take this broom. Just point it at the Germans, and go' Bangety Bang Bang'."
    "But what about a bayonet, Sarge?" asked the young (and gullible) recruit.
    The sergeant pulls a piece of straw from the end of the broom, and attaches it to the handle end. "Here, use this... just go,' Stabity Stab Stab'."
    The recruit ends up alone on the battlefield, holding just his broom. Suddenly, a German soldier charges at him.
    The recruit points the broom. "Bangety Bang Bang!" The German falls dead. More Germans appear. The recruit, amazed at his good luck, goes "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!" He mows down the enemy by the dozens.
    Finally, the battlefield is clear, except for one German soldier walking slowly toward him. "Bangety Bang Bang! shouts more...

    A new missionary recruit went to Venezuela for the first time. He was struggling with the language and didn't understand a whole lot of what was going on. Intending to visit one of the local churches, he got lost, but eventually got back on track and found the place. Having arrived late, the church was already packed. The only pew left was the one on the front row.
    So as not to make a fool of himself, he decided to pick someone out of the crowd to imitate. He chose to follow the man sitting next to him on the front pew. As they sang, the man clapped his hands, so the missionary recruit clapped too. When the man stood up to pray, the missionary recruit stood up too. When the man sat down, he sat down.
    When the man held the cup and bread for the Lord's Supper, he held the cup and bread. During the preaching, the recruit didn't understand a thing. He just sat there and tried to look just like that man in the front pew.
    Then he perceived that the preacher was giving more...

    A recruit who wasn't really meant to be a soldier went out to the rifle range for the first time. He missed every target and most of the hills behind them. Despondent, he said to the sergeant, "I think I'll just go and shoot myself."The sergeant said, "Better take a couple of extra bullets!"

    Budget cuts to the Defence force forced the training team to start doing mock combat using no explosives, guns, or basically any equipment what-so-ever, so when it came to a training scenario, the Sergeant in charge tells his recruits that they are under imaginary fire, and what do they do?
    So all of the recruits except one scatter and get down behind "stuff", and get into returning fire positions.
    The Sergeant notices this one recruit standing out in the open, quite relaxed and unfazed.
    Yelling, the Sergeant asks, "What the devil do you think you're doing? You're under fire!"
    So the recruit takes one step to the left and remains still.
    Now the Sergeant's really annoyed. He yells again, "What the Hell are you doing? You're under imaginary fire, take cover!"
    The recruit turns to him and replies, "I'm taking cover behind this imaginary tree Sergeant!"

    In a military training camp some recruits get educated in parachuting. After
    some weeks of training on the ground they have to do their first jump.
    Before the jump the instructor recalls, "You leave the air plane, count till
    three and pull the cord. The parachute should open then. If it does not, pull
    the emergency cord. Then the emergency parachute will open. On the ground there
    is a lorry waiting. We will meet on the lorry again. Good luck!"
    The first recruit jumps, counts till three and pulls the cord. Nothing happens.
    He pulls the emergency cord. Nothing happens. The recruit is not surprised and
    says, "As far as I know the army, I bet the lorry will not be there, either."

  • Recent Activity