Ten Signs The Police Chief Hates You10. He sends you on drug raids....alone.9. He refers to you as "Our Little Mascot."8. The job description in your contract includes "crash test dummy" and "pepper-spray test subject."7. Instead of a gun, you were issued a water pistol.6. He always tells you that only wimps call for back-up.5. He lied to you about an "officer exchange program" and put you on a plane to Siberia.4. He doesn't like to be seen with you in public.3. He makes up "missing persons" and then sends you to look for them.2. You always get the patrol car with the flat tire, no gas, a dead battery, and a broken air conditioner.1. Your locker is also the broom closet!!
What's black and blue and hates sex? A rape victim.
I can’t even figure out why people remotely like travel!
It’s dumbfounding. Why would people love to travel? You have to buy luggage which doesn’t fit in your apartment. Then you have to forget something simple, yet vital, like your toothbrush-you end up buying a new one for triple the money in the foreign city. Not to mention you have to learn the word toothbrush in the destination city. It took me 20 minutes to explain what I was looking for in Montreal, and 30 minutes in Alabama.
Then it’s planes, trains, and automobiles. I don’t ever remember going on a long trip in ANY of these and thinking, “This is fun!” Especially when I was getting strip-searched by Israeli customs. Luckily, I got to sit next to a fat, orthodox man for 11 hours on that trip!!! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee, travel! By the way, the hack jokes about crying babies are all true. I DARE you to sit next to one crying baby for one hour and not think once about murder, flushing it down the plane's more...
Don't steal, the Government hates competition!
1.) What kind of animal hates to do it's laundry the most?
A Leopard because he has so many spots.
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