A little boy runs into the kitchen, crying.
His mother asks, "Johnny, why are you crying?"
Johnny cries, "Because daddy hit his thumb with
His mother says, "You shouldn't cry because
of that. You should *laugh*!"
Johnny breaks out in tears anew and says,
"But I *did*!"
A priest, a carpenter, and an army man all go up in a plane. The priest says lets all throw something out the window. So the priest starts by throwing a bible out the window. Then the carpenter throws a hammer out the window. Then the army man decides to throw a gernade out the window.
After they throw everything out window the priest goes down to see what happened. He goes up to a kid that is crying and asks him what happened. He says a bible fell down and hit him. Then the priest goes up to another kid thats crying and he asks what happend. The kid says a bible hit him. Then the priest goes up to an old man sitting in a lawn chair laughing and asks what happened.
The grandpa says I just farted and the building behind me blew up!
Old Man On A Bench An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying. "Well," says the old fellow, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast, and we have then have fun together laughing and relaxing. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make fun together laughing and relaxing again. At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we relax more and enjoy ourselves." The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world!" So the old man says, "I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I live!"
A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist.
Just to see what would happen, on the twins' birthday their father loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game; the optimist's room he loaded with horse manure.
That night the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.
"Why are you crying?" the father asked.
"Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken," answered the pessimist twin.
Passing the optimist twin's room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of more...
A family had twin boys, but the only resemblance they shared was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other insisted it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other argued that the volume needed to be turned up. They were opposite in every way, one the eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist.
Curious to see what would happen, on their birthday their father loaded the pessimist's room with every game and toy imaginable. The optimist's room he loaded with horse manure.
That evening the father passed by his pessimist son's room and found him surrounded by his new gifts, crying bitterly.
"Why are you crying?" asked the father.
"Because my friends are going to be jealous, I'm going to have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with all this stuff, I'm going to constantly need batteries and eventually, all my toys will get broken," moaned the pessimist twin.
As the father passed his optimist son's more...