Crying Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    This Miserable Life

    Hot 2 years ago

    There's this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He sits motionless, staring
    like that for half-an-hour.
    Then, this big guy breezes into the bar, steps next to him, reaches over, takes the drink from this
    poor guy, and just drinks it all down. At that, the poor man starts crying.
    The big guy, embarrassed, says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I
    just can't stand to see a man crying."
    "No, it's not that," replies the little guy. "It's just that today is the worst day of my life!"
    " First, I overslept and was late to an important meeting. My boss, who has a furious temper, fired
    me! Then, when I left the building, I found out that my car had been stolen! The police filled out
    some forms, but said they could do nothing."
    "So next I got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found
    that I left my more...

    The cabbie and the nun?!

    Hot 6 years ago

    A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the very handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
    She asks him why he is staring He replies:
    "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you"
    She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.
    Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds,
    "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!
    OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley." The nun fulfils the cab
    driver's fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts more...

    Daddy's hammer

    Hot 6 years ago

    A little boy runs into the kitchen, crying.
    His mother asks, "Johnny, why are you crying?"
    Johnny cries, "Because daddy hit his thumb with
    the hammer!"
    His mother says, "You shouldn't cry because
    of that. You should *laugh*!"
    Johnny breaks out in tears anew and says,
    "But I *did*!"

    Fortune or Fortunate?

    Hot 5 years ago

    A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist.
    Just to see what would happen, on the twins' birthday their father loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game; the optimist's room he loaded with horse manure.
    That night the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.
    "Why are you crying?" the father asked.
    "Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken," answered the pessimist twin.
    Passing the optimist twin's room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of more...

    A family had twin boys, but the only resemblance they shared was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other insisted it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other argued that the volume needed to be turned up. They were opposite in every way, one the eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist.
    Curious to see what would happen, on their birthday their father loaded the pessimist's room with every game and toy imaginable. The optimist's room he loaded with horse manure.
    That evening the father passed by his pessimist son's room and found him surrounded by his new gifts, crying bitterly.
    "Why are you crying?" asked the father.
    "Because my friends are going to be jealous, I'm going to have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with all this stuff, I'm going to constantly need batteries and eventually, all my toys will get broken," moaned the pessimist twin.
    As the father passed his optimist son's more...

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