"Heartbreaking letter from the Internet" joke

Hot 6 years ago

This just breaks my heart... please pass it on so
more can help this unfortunate child...

> Dear Friend:
> I am a very sick boy little boy. My mother is typing
> this for me, because I can't. She is crying.
> Don't cry, Mommy! Mommy is always sad, but she says
> it's not my fault. I asked her if it was God's fault,
> but she didn't answer, and only started crying harder,
> so I don't ask her that anymore.
> The reason she is so sad is that I'm so sick. I was
> born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I go
> to sleep.
> The doctors gave me an artificial body. My body is a
> burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that
> was the best they could do on account of us having no
> money or insurance. I would like to have a body
> transplant, but we need more money.
> Mommy doesn't work because she said employers don't
> hire crying people. I said, "Don't cry, Mommy," and she
> hugged my burlap body. Mommy always gives me hugs, even
> though she's allergic to burlap, and it chafes her real
> bad.
> I hope you will help me. You can help me if you
> forward this e-mail. Dr. Johansen said if you forward
> this e-mail then Bill Gates will team up with AOL and
> do a survey with NASA. Then the astronauts will collect
> prayers from school children all over America and take
> them up to space so that the angel can hear them
> better. Then they will go to the Pope, and he will take
> up a collection in church and send the money to the
> doctors. The doctors could help me better then.
> Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Or
> maybe just use my lungs and heart, when the doctors
> make them. The doctors said that every time you forward
> this letter, the astronauts can take another prayer to
> the angels. Please help me. Mommy is so sad, and I want
> a body. I don't want my leaves to rot before I turn 10.
> If you don't forward this e-mail, that's OK. Mommy
> says you're a mean heartless shithead who doesn't care
> about a poor little boy with only a head.
> She says that if you don't stew in the raw pit of
> your own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long
> slow horrible death so you can burn forever in hell.
> What kind of goddamned person are you that you can't
> take five minutes to forward this to all your friends so
> that they can feel guilt and shame for the rest of
> their day, and then maybe help a poor, bodiless
> nine-year-old boy?
> Please help me. This really sucks. I try to be happy
> but it's hard. I wish I had a puppy. I wish I could
> hold a puppy.
> Thank You.
> Billy' Smiles' Evans,
> The boy with just a head.
> And a burlap sack for a body.

What do you get when you cross a rooster with an owl?
A cock that stays up all night.

Q: What is the similarity between a rubix cube and a dick?
A: The more you play with them, the harder they get!

Knock knock?
Who's there?
Howie.
Howie who?
Howie gonna figure this out?

One day a cucumber, pickle and a penis were having a conversation.
The Pickle says, "You know, my life really sucks. Whenever I get big fat and juicy they sprinkle seasonings on my and stick me in a jar.
The Cucumber says, "Yeah, you think that's bad? Whenever more...

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Toucan!
Toucan who?
Toucan live as cheaply as one! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Toucan!
Toucan who?
Toucan play at this game!

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