Five teenagers were shot to death in New Orleans early Saturday morning. Said Mayor Ray Nagin, "This senseless, black-on-black crime says to the rest of the world that The Big Easy is comin' back!"
I can’t even figure out why people remotely like travel!
It’s dumbfounding. Why would people love to travel? You have to buy luggage which doesn’t fit in your apartment. Then you have to forget something simple, yet vital, like your toothbrush-you end up buying a new one for triple the money in the foreign city. Not to mention you have to learn the word toothbrush in the destination city. It took me 20 minutes to explain what I was looking for in Montreal, and 30 minutes in Alabama.
Then it’s planes, trains, and automobiles. I don’t ever remember going on a long trip in ANY of these and thinking, “This is fun!” Especially when I was getting strip-searched by Israeli customs. Luckily, I got to sit next to a fat, orthodox man for 11 hours on that trip!!! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee, travel! By the way, the hack jokes about crying babies are all true. I DARE you to sit next to one crying baby for one hour and not think once about murder, flushing it down the plane's more...
Plan: Hope This Year's Hurricanes Blow It Into Mississippi.
Ok, my son's day care calls and tells me that my son dosen't eat his lunch. They tell me they fix sandwiches. "Hmmm?" I say, "He eats sandwiches at home all the time."
"Well sir, you might want to come and shadow him tommorrow," they tell me. "Shadow?" I think to myself, "How in the hell am I going to fit in those little chairs?" I mean, the only thing I have to look forward to is nap time.
Well, the next day I am asked to help fix the sandwiches for lunch, because one of the teachers is sick.
One slice of luncheon meat? Mustard? No Mayo? (Helmans of course) you got to be kidding me! No Bunny Bread? (you have to be from New Orleans to really appreciate that one.)
Well now, here comes my little man and just as they said, he didn't eat his sandwich. So, of course, I had to taste it. Hmmm, well, it sucked as I thought, but when I put it back on his plate, he finished it.
That's it, and don't more...
Ok, so the other day I was watching a porno. Yes I have watched a porno or two in my lifetime. Anyway, it's a lesbian scene, I think men like those, well one of the women chose to wear a strap-on. Now I am really confused, I know it's a movie, but I had to ask one of my friends who is a practicing lesbian what she thought about this practice. She told me that some lesbians like the penis, but they just don't like what it's attached to. Are you serious? I mean, men love vaginas, but give me a break, we don't always like what they're attached to either. Then I thought, how great it would be if there were detachable vaginas. I would'nt be wasting my time right now typing this bulleting/blog, I would be playing with my vaginas. In fact, every man I know would be playing with their vaginas. We'd have vagina trading parties. Hey man, I got that Asian vagina, what you got?
Women would'nt be taking self defense classes anymore, they would be taking protect your vagina classes.
Can you more...