Announce Jokes

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    I sometimes feel so bad about things that I wonder if I am sane. I see so many people acting so stupidly in the world, that what they do makes no sense. Maybe I'm the only sane person and everyone else is crazy! It seems like the world has gotten both stupider and nastier over the years, or at least the U.S. has.
    It is the asinine stupidity - and plain arrogance - of people that makes me sick. The District of Columbia is damn near so bankrupt it would be "30c short of a quarter." The Financial Control Board gave a timid order to Mayor-for-life Marion "Snort, Snort" Barry to cut 6,000 city employees.
    Washington is so obscenely overstaffed that the number of people that should be cut from its payroll is more like 60,000! This isn't cutting the payroll, this is giving it a manicure! People are practically calling this near-nothing cutback a "meat axe" approach!
    All the while the city goes deeper into red ink. I'm thinking, when the city does go more...

    One year at halloween the governor was giving a costume party. All the gentry were there and as they arrived the doorman would announce what there characters were.When one couple arrived he announced "Mickey and Minnie Mouse".As the next couple arrived he announced "Tarzan and Jane" and so on as each guest arrived.Later in the evening a man arrived dressed only in a pair of underpants but apart from that totally naked from head to toe."Who do you think you are?" demanded the doorman. Having ascertained that the man was indeed an invited guest from the local university CS department The doorman asked "How shall I announce you?"The man said, "I'm premature ejaculation""I'm very sorry sir", said the doorman in obvious shock, "I cannot announce anything like that to such a gathering.""O.K." said the professor. "Just say I came in my pants"

    Hallowe'en Costumes

    Hot 10 months ago

    One year at Hallowe'en the governor of Illinois was giving a costume party.
    All the gentry were there and as they arrived the doorman would announce
    what there characters were.
    When one couple arrived he announced "Mickey and Minnie Mouse."
    As the next couple arrived he announced "Tarzan and Jane."
    ...and so on as each guest arrived.
    Later in the evening a man arrived dressed only in a pair of underpants but
    apart from that totally naked from head to toe.
    "Who do you think you are?" demanded the doorman. Having ascertained that
    the man was indeed an invited guest from the local university CS department,
    the doorman asked, "How shall I announce you?"
    The man said, "I'm premature ejaculation."
    "I'm very sorry sir" said the doorman in obvious shock, "I cannot announce
    anything like that to such a gathering."
    "O.K." said the professor. "Just say I more...

    Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
    Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
    Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
    Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
    Sell Girl Scout cookies.
    On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
    Shave.
    Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
    Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
    Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
    When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
    Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
    Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm more...

    1) When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
    2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
    3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
    4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.
    5) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
    6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
    7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
    8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
    9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
    10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.
    11) Pretend you are a more...

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