Harold Jokes / Recent Jokes

Harold is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner,
Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the center to sit and ponder his
accomplishments and long life.
One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat,
and before
they know it, several hours have passed.
After a short lull in their conversation Harold turns to Mildred and asks,
"Do you know
what I miss most of all?"
She asks, "What?"
"SEX!" he replies. Mildred exclaims, "Why you old fart, you couldn't get
it up if I held a
gun to your head!"
"I know," Harold says, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it
for a while."
"Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his
manhood and
proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in
the garden
where they would sit and talk and Mildred more...

A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer "Dear Harold."
At this, dad interrupted and said, "Wait a minute, why did you call God 'Harold'?"
The little boy looked up and said, "That's what they call Him in church. You know the prayer we say, "Our Father, who art in Heaven, Harold be Thy name..."

It's Harold's first day in the car pool. They honk the horn in front of his house and he comes running out. He gets about halfway down the walk when he hears a grunt and the sound of his wife's foot tapping on the porch. He turns around and there she is, scowling at him. He runs back to the steps, spreads her bathrobe, bends over, kisses her on the privates, runs back down the walk and hops in the car.

They ride in silence for a few minutes, until Burnett, the driver, can't stand it. Burnett asks, "Harold, it's none of my business, but why'd you kiss her down there?"

Harold says, "You wouldn't believe her breath in the morning."