I got this joke from a gentle soul from South Africa:
A couple of old ladies are sitting on the patio in a retirement home. Both are bored.
Mabel: Nothing happens here, all the men are half-dead and no fun!
Doris: I agree. Let's do something that will jerk them into action!
So Mabel agrees to streak down the corridor and attract the attention of the old men that are sitting there sunning themselves.
She does this and the following conversation insues between Harold and Humphrey...
Harold: Humphrey, old boy, was that Mabel that I saw running past...
Humphrey: Hmm, I think so. Couldn't say for sure.
Harold: My eyes aren't too good these days. What was she wearing?
Humphrey: Hmm, couldn't say for sure, but whatever it was it was in need of ironing!
A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer "Dear Harold."
At this, dad interrupted and said, "Wait a minute, why did you call God 'Harold'?"
The little boy looked up and said, "That's what they call Him in church. You know the prayer we say, "Our Father, who art in Heaven, Harold be Thy name..."
Harold's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asked, "Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?" Looking over her carefully, Harold replied, "Judging from your skin, twenty your hair, eighteen and your figure, twenty five." "Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. "Hey, wait a minute!" Harold interrupted. "I haven't added them up yet."
hollywood is to make a movie on the life of Dr.Harold Shipman, playing the part will be Robert De Niro, it is to be called "The old Dear Hunter"
Harold are you!