Growth Jokes / Recent Jokes
A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school clothes.
In the beginning was the Plan. And then came the Assumptions. And the Assumptions were without form. And the Plan was without substance. And darkness was upon the face of the Workers. And the workers spoke among themselves, saying, "This is crock of shit, and it stinks." And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and said, "It is a pail of dung, and we can't live with the smell." And the Supervisors went unto their Managers, saying, "It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it." And the Managers went unto their Directors, saying, "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength." And the Directors spoke among themselves, saying to one another, "It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong." And the Directors went to the Vice Presidents, saying unto them, "It promotes growth, and it is very powerful.." And the Vice Presidents went to the President, more...
More mistakes in publication,
-Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
-Stock up and save. Limit: one.
-Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it.
-We build bodies that last a lifetime. Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last.
-This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes and Gardens.
-For Sale-Diamonds $20; microscopes $15.
-For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
-Man, honest. Will take anything.
-Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.
-Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.
-Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
-Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
-Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
-Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.
-Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth more...
Newspaper Ads
As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are
often more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than you
can find in the cartoons and comic strips:
o Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the
family.
o A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by
waitresses in appetizing forms.
o Dinner Special -- Turkey $2. 35; Chicken or Beef $2. 25; Children
$2. 00.
o For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and
large drawers.
o For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table,
pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and
fur collar.
o Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
o Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair
to take home, too.
o Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
o Wanted: Unmarried girls more...
A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.
"Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair in places that I've never grown hair before."
The doctor reassured her. "A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?"
"On my balls!"
In the beginning there was a Plan.
And then came the Assumptions. And the Assumptions were without form. And the Plan was without substance.
And darkness was upon the faces of the Workers. And they spoke among themselves, saying, "It is a crock of shit and it stinks."
And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and said, "It is a pail of dung we can not live with the smell." And the Supervisors went unto their Managers saying, "It is a container of excrement and it is very strong and none may abide by it."
And the Managers went unto their Directors saying, "It is a vessel of fertilizer and none may abide its strength."
And the Directors spoke among themselves saying to one another, "It contains that which aids plant growth and it is very strong."
And the Directors went unto their Vice Presidents saying unto them, "It promotes growth and it is very powerful."
And the Vice Presidents went unto more...
As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are often more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than you can find in the cartoons and comic strips: Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. Dinner Special -- Turkey $2. 35; Chicken or Beef $2. 25; Children $2. 00. For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar. Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too. Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory. Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. No matter what more...