Care Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Bragging golfers

    Hot 6 months ago

    Four men went to play golf.
    Three of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill.
    The three men started talking and bragging about their sons.

    The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder, and he is so successful he gave a friend a new home for free. Just gave it to him!"

    The second man said, "My son was a car salesman, and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He''s so successful that he gave one of his friends a new Mercedes, fully loaded."

    The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged, "My son is a stockbroker, and he''s doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock and bond portfolio."

    The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business.

    The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?"

    The fourth man replied, "Well, my son more...

    Two newfies walked into a pet store. The first says "I want four budgies." Salesman-certainly sir, would you like two male and two female or all male or all female? Newfie-I don't care. I just want 4 budgies! Salesman-certainly sir, what color would you like? We have yellow, blue, gr... Newfie - I don't care what color they are, just put four budgies in a box for me. Is that too hard? Salesman - O.K. O.K. The two newfies pay for the budgies and leave. They drive out to this high cliff in Newfoundland and the first newfie reaches in the box and pulls out two of the birds, grasps them firmly and jumps off the cliff while flapping his arms. Of course he SPLATS at the bottom. The second newfie looks down at his friend's twisted remains and says "What a shame. this budgie jumping isn't all it's cracked up to be!"

    Cows In Government

    Hot 5 years ago

    FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
    PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk they think you need.
    BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.
    FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
    PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
    RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
    CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The more...

    Irish father O`Malley got up one fine spring morning and walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside and noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went something like this: "What a grand morinin it is. This is Sgt. Flaherty! How might I help ye?" "This is irish father O`Malley at St.Bridget`s. There`s a jackass lying dead on me front lawn. Would ye mind sending a couple o`yer lads to take care of the matter?" Sgt.Flaherty considered himself to be quite a wit so the rest of the conversation proceeded: "Well, now irish father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!" There was dead silence on the line for a moment and then irish father O`Malley replied: "Aye, that`s certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin."

    Want Ads- Illiterate?

    Hot 6 years ago

    1. Illiterate? Write today for free help.
    2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
    3. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
    4. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
    5. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
    6. Stock up and save. Limit: one.
    7. Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
    8. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
    9. Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
    10. Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
    11. Dinner Special - Turkey $2. 35; Chicken or Beef $2. 25; Children = $2.00
    12. For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
    13. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
    14. We do not tear your clothing more...

  • Recent Activity