Antique Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner the price. "Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and an extra thousand for the story behind it." "At that price, you can keep the story, old man," he replies, "but I'll take the bronze rat." The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer, more rats come out and follow him. By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon more...

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    •Include your children when baking cookies!
    •Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
    •Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
    •British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
    •Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
    •A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
    •Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
    •For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
    •For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
    •Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
    •Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
    •Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory
    •Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at more...

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    2.) A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
    3.) Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
    4.) For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
    5.) Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
    6.) Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
    7.) Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
    8.) Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
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    A man walks into an antique store and begins browsing through the merchandise. A small bronze sculpture of a rat catches his eye. For some reason, this curio fascinates him and he decides that he has to have it. So he picks it up and walks over to the proprietor. "How much for this?", he asks. "I'd think twice about getting that if I were you. Everyone who's bought it before has come back the next day to return it," says the proprietor. "Why?" "I don't know-but they seem to be in an awful hurry to get rid of it." The customer thinks this over and finally decides to purchase the item. He walks out of the store and begins to make his way home. As he is walking down a dark alley, he hears a scuttling noise behind him. Quickly turning around, he sees two rats following him down the path. "That's odd", he thinks to himself and begins to walk faster. A few minutes later, he turns around again and this time there are 3 dozen rats following more...

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