Grinch Jokes / Recent Jokes

Every Coder in Codeville liked objects a lot.
"Tested," "Reusable,' that's what was hot.
But the Grinch of Reality sulked in his cave,
Saying, "Hear them all talk of the time that they'll save!"

The Grinch hated Coders, and liked them to sweat.
He thought, "I can make them unhappy, I'll bet!"
He read through 12 texts, then looked up with a grin:
"Why, this is as good as original sin!"

He read with a chortle, "An object or class,
Is like a black box hiding all that it has.
Its details invisible: All that you know
Is what should go in and what answers will show."

He slunk to the West Coast and into a lab,
Where chip engineers were at work at their fab.
He heard their boss saying, "Forget testing tricks:
This one is the same as a 486!"

His chance had now come. From their math microcode,
He struck out one line as it more...

Who Shat in the Hat
Marvin K. Mooney, Get the Fuck Out!
One Bitch, Two Bitch, Dead Bitch, Blue Bitch
Herbert the Pervert Likes Sherbert
Horton Fakes an Orgasm
Are You My Proctologist?
Your Colon Can Moo-Can You?
The Cat in the Blender
My Pocket Rocket Needs A Socket
Yentl the Lentil
The Flesh-Eating Lorax
Horton Hires a Ho
Oh, the Places You'll Scratch and Sniff!
The Grinch's Ten Inches
How the Grinch Stole Columbus Day
Fox in Detox
Zippy the Rabid Gerbil
Aunts in My Pants

Every Chad down in Chadville liked voting a lot.
But the Grinch, from North Chadville, most certainly did not!
The Grinch hated voting! He thought it a bore.
Now, please don't ask why. Could be Bush, could be Gore.
It could be his heart bled with liberal mush.
It could be, perhaps, that he listened to Rush.
But I think the real reason his trust was so shattered
Was the great Grinchy view that his vote never mattered.
Whatever the reason, Lack of trust, lack of goals,
The Grinch dreaded that day when Chads went to the polls.
He just hated those speeches and negative ads,
And when push came to shove, he just hated the Chads.
He just hated their theme parks, their football-team rooters,
He just hated their gun laws, their barmaids at Hooters.
He just hated their weather, even hated their hate.
And he hated that they were a battleground state.
"So they're making their choices," he snarled with a more...

Dear ya'll
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able
to serve your area on Christmas Eve. Because of recent changes in my union
contract renegotiated by North American Elves Local 209, I now serve only
eastern Canada, certain areas of Wisconsin and the Michigan Upper Peninsula.
However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with my
replacement, my third cousin by my first wife, from the South Pole, Bubba
Claus. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls,
but there are a few differences between us, such as:
* There is no danger of a Grinch's stealing presents from Bubba Claus, who has
a gun rack in his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:
"These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
* Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC
and pork skins on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He does
dip more...

Dear ya'll:
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve your area on Christmas Eve. Because of recent changes in my union contract renegotiated by North American Elves Local 209, I now serve only eastern Canada, certain areas of Wisconsin and the Michigan Upper Peninsula.
However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with my replacement, my third cousin by my first wife, from the South Pole, Bubba Claus. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls, but there are a few differences between us, such as:
There is no danger of a Grinch's stealing presents from Bubba Claus, who has a gun rack in his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC and pork skins on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He does dip a little snuff, though, so please have a spit can more...

How to Tell if You're a Grinch

This is a set of essential personality tests to prepare you misfit readers for Christmas and your New Year's resolutions:


1. You reuse last year's Christmas cards and send them out under your own name (5 points).


2. You steal light bulbs from you neighbor's outdoor display to replenish your own supply (5 points, 10 if neighbor's whole light sets or lighted Santa goes out).


3. You have dressed a dog or cat as Santa Claus, elf helper, or reindeer (10 points for each; if you dressed an endangered species, 5 extra points).


4. You put out last year's stale candy canes for children (1 point for each piece of sticky candy). If you put out a chocolate or marzipan Santa also, add 10 points.


5. You enclose a shoddy and inferior gift from Target, Walmart, or K-Mart in a Bloomingdale's or other prestige box to impress your friends (5 points for each more...

1. One Bitch, Two Bitch, Dead Bitch, You Bitch
2. Herbert the Pervert Likes Sherbert
3. Fox in Detox
4. Who Shat in the Hat?
5. Horton Hires a Ho
6. The Flesh-Eating Lorax
7. How the Grinch Stole Columbus Day
8. Your Colon Can Moo---Can You?
9. Zippy the Rabid Gerbil
10. The Cat in the Blender
11. Marvin K. Mooney, Get the F@ck Out!
12. Are You My Proctologist?
13. Yentl the Lentil
14. My Pocket Rocket Needs A Socket
15. Aunts in My Pants
16. Oh, the Places You'll Scratch and Sniff!
17. Horton Fakes an Orgasm
18. The Grinch's Ten Inches