Grinch Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Grinch Quiz!

    Hot 7 years ago

    How to Tell if You're a GrinchThis is a set of essential personality tests to prepare you misfit readers for Christmas and your New Year's resolutions:1. You reuse last year's Christmas cards and send them out under your own name (5 points).2. You steal light bulbs from you neighbor's outdoor display to replenish your own supply (5 points, 10 if neighbor's whole light sets or lighted Santa goes out).3. You have dressed a dog or cat as Santa Claus, elf helper, or reindeer (10 points for each; if you dressed an endangered species, 5 extra points).4. You put out last year's stale candy canes for children (1 point for each piece of sticky candy). If you put out a chocolate or marzipan Santa also, add 10 points.5. You enclose a shoddy and inferior gift from Target, Walmart, or K-Mart in a Bloomingdale's or other prestige box to impress your friends (5 points for each infraction).6. You make collect long distance phone calls to your family on Christmas day (5 points, 10 if from a cell more...

    Rejected Dr. Seuss Books

    Hot 7 years ago

    The Cat in the Blender
    Herbert the Pervert Likes Sherbert
    Fox in Detox
    Who Shat in the Hat?
    Horton Hires a Ho
    The Flesh-Eating Lorax
    How the Grinch Stole Columbus Day
    Your Colon Can Moo---Can You?
    Zippy the Rabid Gerbil
    One Bitch, Two Bitch, Dead Bitch, Blue Bitch
    Marvin K. Mooney, Get the Fuck Out!
    Are You My Proctologist?
    Yentl the Lentil
    My Pocket Rocket Needs A Socket
    Aunts in My Pants
    Oh, the Places You'll Scratch and Sniff!
    Horton Fakes an Orgasm
    The Grinch's Ten Inches
    Green Cheese & Spam
    Who Flung Goo on Betty Sue?
    Come On I Wanna Lay Ya
    Russell the One-Eyed Love Muscle
    Please Cane Us in the Anus
    Blow Blow Til You See it Grow
    Feel It, Find It, Pick It, Flick It
    Horton Hears His Neighbors In Bed

    Dear ya'll:
    I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve your area on Christmas Eve. Because of recent changes in my union contract renegotiated by North American Elves Local 209, I now serve only eastern Canada, certain areas of Wisconsin and the Michigan Upper Peninsula.
    However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with my replacement, my third cousin by my first wife, from the South Pole, Bubba Claus. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls, but there are a few differences between us, such as:
    There is no danger of a Grinch's stealing presents from Bubba Claus, who has a gun rack in his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
    Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC and pork skins on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He does dip a little snuff, though, so please have a spit can more...

    How to Tell if You're a Grinch
    This is a set of essential personality tests to prepare you misfit readers for Christmas and your New Year's resolutions:
    1. You reuse last year's Christmas cards and send them out under your own name (5 points).
    2. You steal light bulbs from you neighbor's outdoor display to replenish your own supply (5 points, 10 if neighbor's whole light sets or lighted Santa goes out).
    3. You have dressed a dog or cat as Santa Claus, elf helper, or reindeer. (10 points for each; if you dressed an endangered species, 5 extra points).
    4. You put out last year's stale candy canes for children (1 point for each piece of sticky candy). If you put out a chocolate or marzipan Santa also, add 10 points.
    5. You enclose a shoddy and inferior gift from Target, Walmart, or K-Mart in a Bloomingdale's or other prestige box to impress your friends (5 points for each infraction).
    6. You make collect long distance phone calls to your family on Christmas more...

    How to Tell if You're a Grinch
    This is a set of essential personality tests to prepare you misfit readers for Christmas and your New Year's resolutions:
    1. You reuse last year's Christmas cards and send them out under your own name (5 points).
    2. You steal light bulbs from you neighbor's outdoor display to replenish your own supply (5 points, 10 if neighbor's whole light sets or lighted Santa goes out).
    3. You have dressed a dog or cat as Santa Claus, elf helper, or reindeer (10 points for each; if you dressed an endangered species, 5 extra points).
    4. You put out last year's stale candy canes for children (1 point for each piece of sticky candy). If you put out a chocolate or marzipan Santa also, add 10 points.
    5. You enclose a shoddy and inferior gift from Target, Walmart, or K-Mart in a Bloomingdale's or other prestige box to impress your friends (5 points for each infraction).
    6. You make collect long distance phone calls to your family on Christmas day more...

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