Grateful Jokes / Recent Jokes

John is down on his luck in Las Vegas. He has gambled away all his money and has to borrow a dime from another gambler just to use the men's room. The stall happens to be open and he uses the dime in a slot machine and hits the jackpot.
He takes his winnings and goes to the blackjack table and turns his small winnings into a million dollars.
Wealthy beyond his wildest dreams, John goes on the lecture circuit, where he tells his incredible story. He tells his audiences that he is eternally grateful to his benefactor, and if he ever finds the man he will share his fortune with him.
After months of speaking, a man in the audience jumps up and says, "I'm that man. I was the one who gave you the dime."
"You aren't the one I'm looking for. I mean the guy who left the door open!"

My 75 year old Dad was taking his daily walk through the park when he heard a tiny voice calling to him. "Hey, mister! Pssst, mister!" Dad looked all around, and spotted a little frog sitting in the grass looking up at him."Hey mister," said the frog. "A wicked witch cast a spell on me, and turned me into an ugly frog. If you'll just kiss me I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and be forever grateful."Dad reached down, picked up the frog, put it in his pocket, and proceeded to walk on. The frog called out to him again, "Hey! Didn't you hear me? I said if you'll kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess and be forever grateful."Dad replied, "I heard you, but at my age, I'd rather just have a talking frog!"

O come, all ye Grateful,
Deadheads to the concert.
O come, Grateful Deadheads,
And camp in the street.
Bring rolling papers,
Don't forget your sleeping bags.
O come get us some floor seats,
We've followed them for four weeks,
O come get us some floor seats,
To see the Lord.
O come, all ye hippies,
Throwbacks to the Sixties.
Paint flowers on your van,
And don't wash your feet.
Wear your bell-bottoms,
And your tie-dye t-shirts.
O come let us adore them,
We've quit our day jobs for them,
O come let us adore, them,
Garcia's the Lord.

A husband and a wife were out enjoying a round of golf about to tee off on the third hole which was lined with beautiful homes.
The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice. Her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window. Much to their surprise, the ball smashed through the window and shattered it into a million pieces.
They felt compelled to see what damage was done and drove off to see what happened. When they peeked inside the house, they found no one there. The husband called out and no one answered. Upon further investigation, they saw a gentleman sitting on the couch with a turban on his head.
The wife said, "Do you live here?"
"No, someone just hit a ball through the window, knocked over the vase you see there and freed me from that little bottle. I am so grateful," he answered.
The wife said, "Are you a genie?"
"Oh, why yes I am. In fact, I am so grateful I will grant you two wishes, the more...

I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.

Try to be grateful and resentful at the same time, you can't serve two masters.

A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer.
The farmer said "There might be a problem; you see, I only have room for two to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn. "No problem", spoke the Rabbi, "My people wandered in the desert for forty years, I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening. "With that he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night,
Moments later a knock was heard at the door; the farmer opened the door, there stood the Rabbi from the barn. "What's wrong?", asked the farmer. He replied, "I am grateful to you, but I can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn and my faith believes that is an unclean animal."
His Hindu friend agrees to swap places with him. But a few minutes late the same scene reoccurs. There is a knock on the door,
"What's wrong, now?, the farmer asks. The more...