Goddess Jokes

The Chocolate Ritual (You need to know a bit about wicca for this to be a knee slapper.. . )

Materials required: On the altar are brown candles, a Tootsie Roll (the big one), a large glass with milk in it (the chalice), a small dish of Nestle's Quik and a spoon, a small dish of chocolate sprinkles, a plate of cupcakes, and some Yoo-Hoo along with a goblet. The athame is represented by a cake knife reserved only for cutting Devil's Food Cake, and the pentacle is represented by a chocolate star.

CLEANSE THE SACRED SPACE:
(take the small bowl of chocolate sprinkles)

Chocolate sprinkles where thou art
Cast no calories in thy presence last.
Let no fat adhere to me
And as I will so mote it be!

Nestle's Quik where thou art cast
Turn this milk to chocolate fast.
Let all good things come to me,
and make my milk all chocolatey!

CAST THE CIRCLE
(using the Tootsie roll)

CALL THE more...

>> >>> There was a software engineer, who used to develop programs on
>> his
>> >> Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He
>> >>used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday
>> market.
>> >>> One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table
>> and
>> >> fell in the river. Encouraged by his childhood story of the
>> >>lumberjack and axe, he started praying for the river Goddess. River
>> >>Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of
>> >>rigorous prayers.
>> >>> The engineer told her that he lost his computer in the river. As
>> >>usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty.
>> >>> She picked up a match box and asked "Is this your computer? ".
>> >>Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, "No"
>> replied
>> >>the SWE. Then she picked up a pocket sized calculator and asked if
>> >>that more...

Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread and butter by selling those programs in the Sunday market.
One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell into the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe), he started praying the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.
As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box sized computer and asked, "Is this your computer? " Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, "No."
She next showed him a pocket-sized computer and asked whether it was his.
Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at more...

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This item is being widely propagated over the net today. Preliminary reports indicate that it is NOT a joke, however A LOT of further research is indicated.

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Had the most interesting conversation with the top sales weasel at our company today. She came into my office and noticed I had a box of Altoids on my desk. (Have you had them? They are these obnoxiously strong peppermints made in England.)

As soon as she saw them, she burst into laughter.

Turns out she had recently had an affair with a guy who called her and left her an incredibly steamy voice mail message after an encounter. He went on and on about what a blow job goddess she was, how amazing she was, how he'd never be the same, etc.

She was kind of puzzled, thinking: what did I do to this guy that was so different from my regular technique? more...