Finishes Jokes / Recent Jokes

A tax preparer was helping some customers.
The first guy comes in and the tax man asks him, "How much money did you make last year?"
The guy answers, "Oh, about $100,000"
"Gee, that's good! what do you do"
"I'm a lawyer for a big corporation, etc"
So the tax man finishes up with him and the next guy comes in.
"How much money did you make last year?"
"I made $150,000 dollars"
"Oh really? What do you do?"
"Well, I'm the head doctor at this big hospital..."
And so the taxman finishes with him.
The third guy comes in and the taxman asks him,"How much money did you make last year?"
The guy answers, "Well, last year was a pretty good year, I made about $9,000"
The tax man asks him, "Oh, really? What instrument do you play?"

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, "I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.."

The bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me."

As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, "I would like to buy you a drink, too."

The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water."

"Coming up," says the bartender.

As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy you one, too."

The old woman says, "Thank! you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water."

"Coming right up," the bartender says. As he gives her the drink, he says, "Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only more...

There are three women a red head, a blonde, and a brunet. They are swimming in a race up the Nile River. The swim they have to do is the breast stroke. One hour after the race starts the red head finishes first. One hour after the red head the brunet finishes. One week later the blonde finishes and tells the offical, "Not to be mean, but I think those girls used their hands."

A business man enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a
double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks
inside his shirt pocket, then asks the bartender to prepare another
double martini.
After he finishes the second one, he again peeks inside his shirt
pocket, and asks the bartender to bring another double martini.
The same pattern is repeated a few rounds; the business man drinks a
double martini on the rocks, peeks inside his shirt pocket, and orders
another one.
Finally, the bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring you martinis all
night long, no problem with that. But you just gotta tell me why you
look inside your shirt pocket every time before you order a refill!"
The man replies, "Oh, I'm just peeking at a photo of my wife. When she
starts to look good, then I know it's time for me to go home."

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."