Finishes Jokes / Recent Jokes

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.
The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."
The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife... When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife... When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks.
After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.
The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."
The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."

A woman is in the bar of a cruise ship and asks the bartender for a scotch and two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink, she announces, "Today is my 80th birthday and I'm on the cruise to celebrate."
"Well, since it's your birthday," the bartender says, "the drink's on the house."
As the women finishes her drink, the lady to her right says, "Since it's your birthday, I'd like to buy you a drink, too."
"Thank you," says the old woman. "Bartender, I'll have a scotch and two drops of water."
She no sooner finishes that drink, when the man to her left says, "Since I'm the only one around you that hasn't bought you a drink, I guess I might as well buy you one."
"Why, thank you sir," the old woman says. "Bartender, I'll have a scotch and two drops of water."
"Coming right up," the bartender says. As he gives her the drink he says, "Excuse me, but more...

The Bathroom Military (off. to Marines / explicit language!)
A Sailor and a Marine are taking a leak in the head. The Sailor finishes and goes for the door. The Marine finishes and heads for the sink.
He calls out to the Sailor, "Hey! Aren t you going to wash you hand? In The Corps they taught us to wash up afterwards."
The Sailor replies, "Well, in the Navy they just told us not to piss on our hands." A Marine walks in to the head. A little boy who was on his way out looks at him, smiles, and asks, "Are you a REAL Marine?"
The Marine replies, "Why yes I am son... Say - you want to wear my hat?"
The boy replies, "Sure mister!", and put the hat on his head. As the Marine entered a stall the boy placed himself on "guard duty" by the door. Shortly, a Sailor entered the head.
The little boy again looked up, smiled, and asked, "Are you a REAL Sailor?"
The Sailor replied, "Why yes I more...

A senior woman is on a cruise ship and wanders up to the bar and asks for a
scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says,
"I'm on the cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today."
The bartender says "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink.
In fact, this one is on me."
As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, "I would
like to buy you a drink too."
The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want a scotch with two
drops of water."
"Coming up," says the bartender.
As she finishes her drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy
you one too.
The old women says, "Thank you. Bartender, I would like another scotch with
two drops of water."
"Comin' right up," the bartender says. As he gives her the drink he says,
"Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only more...

Source - Some sick demented BMC I used to know...
A Sailor and a Marine are taking a leak in the head. The Sailor finishes and goes for the door. The Marine finishes and heads for the sink.
He calls out to the Sailor, "Hey! Aren t you going to wash you hand? In The Corps they taught us to wash up afterwards."
The Sailor replies, "Well, in the Navy they just told us not to piss on our hands."
A Marine walks in to the head. A little boy who was on his way out looks at him, smiles, and asks, "Are you a REAL Marine?"
The Marine replies, "Why yes I am son... Say - you want to wear my hat?"
The boy replies, "Sure mister!", and put the hat on his head. As the Marine entered a stall the boy placed himself on "guard duty" by the door. Shortly, a Sailor entered the head.
The little boy again looked up, smiled, and asked, "Are you a REAL Sailor?"
The Sailor replied, "Why yes I am... You more...