Fee Jokes / Recent Jokes

A lawyer calls his client to tell him about his fee schedule.
“Alright, ” the lawyer says looking through his papers. “You owe me $1000 down and $417. 58 cents each month for the next thirty-six months.
“What! That sounds like a car payment schedule, ” retorted the client.
“Your right. It’s mine. ”

To cover the rising fuel costs:
Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, sir. May I see your ticket?

Passenger: Sure.

Attendant: You're in seat 12B. That will be $5, please!

Passenger: What for?

Attendant: For telling you where to sit.

Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.

Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat locator fee of $5. It's the airline's new policy.

Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever heard. I won't pay it.

Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not?

Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the airline is going to hear about this.

Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you?

Passenger: That would be swell, thanks.

Attendant: No problem. Up we go, and done! That will be $10, please.

Passenger: more...

REDMOND, WA--In what CEO Bill Gates called'an unfortunate but necessary step to protect our intellectual property from theft and exploitation by competitors,' the Microsoft Corporation patented the numbers one and zero Monday.

With the patent, Microsoft's rivals are prohibited from manufacturing or selling products containing zeroes and ones--the mathematical building blocks of all computer languages and programs--unless a royalty fee of 10 cents per digit used is paid to the software giant.

'Microsoft has been using the binary system of ones and zeroes ever since its inception in 1975,' Gates told reporters.' For years, in the interest of the overall health of the computer industry, we permitted the free and unfettered use of our proprietary numeric systems. However, changing marketplace conditions and the increasingly predatory practices of certain competitors now leave us with no choice but to seek compensation for the use of our numerals.'

A number more...

A lawyer calls his client to tell him about his fee schedule." Alright," the lawyer says looking through his papers. "You owe me $1000 down and $417. 58 cents each month for the next thirty-six months." What! That sounds like a car payment schedule," retorted the client." Your right. It's mine."

When asked, "What is a contingent fee?" a lawyer answered, "A contingent fee to a lawyer means, if I don''t win your suit, I get nothing. If I do win it, you get nothing."