Fee Jokes / Recent Jokes

Understanding Your PaycheckGROSS PAY: $1222. 02INCOME TAX OUTGO TAX STATE TAX INTERSTATE TAX COUNTY TAX 244. 40 45. 21 61. 10 5. 89 6. 11CITY TAX RURAL TAX BACK TAX FRONT TAX SIDE TAX 12. 22 4. 44 1. 11 1. 16 1. 61UP TAX DOWN TAX KNICKNACK TAX HACKENSAC TAX THUMBTAX 2. 22 1. 11 1. 98 3. 93 0. 98CARPET TAX SNACK TAX SURTAX MA'AM TAX PARKING FEE 0. 69 8. 32 3. 46 3. 46 5. 00NO PARKING FEE F. I. C. A. T. G. I. F. LIFE INS. HEALTH INS. 10. 00 81. 88 9. 95 5. 85 16. 23DISABILITY INS. ABILITY INS. LIABILITY INS. DENTAL INS. MENTAL INS. 2. 50 0. 25 3. 41 4. 50 4. 33FUNDAMENTAL INS COFFEE COFEE CUPS CALENDAR RENTAL FLOOR RENTAL 0. 11 6. 85 66. 51 3. 06 16. 85CHAIR RENTAL DESK RENTAL UNION DUES UNION DON'TS CASH ADVANCES 4. 32 4. 32 5. 85 3. 77 0. 69CASH RETREATS OVERTIME UNDERTIME EASTERN TIME CENTRAL TIME 121. 35 1. 26 54. 83 9. 00 8. 00MOUNTAIN TIME PACIFIC TIME DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME TIME OUT 7. 00 6. 00 4. 44 12. 21OXYGEN WATER ELECTRICITY HEAT AIR CONDITIONING 10. 02 16. 54 38. 23 51. 42 more...

Picasso's mistress was losing her eyesight so he took her to an opthomologist in Paris. Upon examination, the doctor reported that nothing could be done and she would soon become blind. Picasso then sought out the best eye doctor in all of France, but got the same prognosis. He even took her to the best doctor in all of Europe, to no avail. He then decided to take her for a trip around the world so that she could see the sights before totally losing eyesight. They were in San Francisco when they saw a sign reading "Sam Smith-Eye Doctor, Free Consultation". Picasso figured that it couldn't do any harm to try this doctor as she was going to be blind anyway. After a thorough examination, Dr. Smith reported that when he did an operation in cases like hers that it would cure her. Picasso agreed to have the operation performed. After the operation and a few weeks of recovery, the doctor removed the bandages, and what do you know, she could see 20/20. Picasso was overjoyed and more...

Microsoft Patents Ones, Zeroes
REDMOND, WA - In what CEO Bill Gates called "an unfortunate but necessary step to protect our intellectual property from theft and exploitation by competitors," the Microsoft Corporation patented the numbers one and zero Monday.
With the patent, Microsoft's rivals are prohibited from manufacturing or selling products containing zeroes and ones--the mathematical building blocks of all computer languages and programs--unless a royalty fee of 10 cents per digit used is paid to the software giant.
"Microsoft has been using the binary system of ones and zeroes ever since its inception in 1975," Gates told reporters. "For years, in the interest of the overall health of the computer industry, we permitted the free and unfettered use of our proprietary numeric systems. However, changing marketplace conditions and the increasingly predatory practices of certain competitors now leave us with no choice but to seek more...

The zoo-keeper traversed the country looking for a suitable mate for his gorilla but couldn't find one. He hit upon a novel idea and went to his local pub and inquired from the landlord if he knew of a big man who would serviced a gorilla for a fee.
The landlord of the pub pointed out Murphy, the hefty Irish navvy, who would do anything for a fee.
The zoo-keeper and Murphy agreed to do the job if three conditions are adhered to:-
1) There will be no abortions
2) She will not hug him
3) All the siblings are brought up as Catholics

Joe goes to consult a world famous specialist about his medical problem. After the visit Joe asks, "How much do I owe you?" "My fee is five hundred dollars," replies the physician. "Five hundred dollars? That`s impossible. No one charges that much!" "In your case," the doctor replies, "I suppose I could adjust my fee to three hundred." "Three hundred dollars? For one visit? Ridiculous." "Well, then, could you afford two hundred?" "Who has that kind of money? Do you think I`m Bill Gates? " "Look, replies the doctor," growing irritated, "Just give me fifty bucks and get out." "I can give you twenty," says Joe. "Take it or leave it." "I don`t understand you," says the doctor. "Why did you come to the most expensive doctor in New York if you have no money?" "Listen, Doctor", says Joe, "When it comes to my health, nothing is too more...

On the 1st day of Christmas AOL gave to me……..
unlimited hours with a flat fee.
On the 2nd day of Christmas AOL gave to me……
2 buddy lists and unlimited hours with a flat fee.
On the 3rd day of Christmas AOL gave to me……
3 Emails, 2 buddy lists and unlimited hours with a flat fee.
On the 4th day of Christmas AOL gave to me…….
4 frozen screens, 3 Emails, 2 buddy lists and unlimited hours with a flat fee.
On the 5th day of Christmas AOL gave to me……
5 Chat Room brawls!!! 4 frozen screens, 3 Emails, 2 buddy lists and unlimited
hours with a flat fee.
On the 6th day of Christmas AOL gave to me……
6 snerts annoying, 5 Chat Room brawls!!! 4 frozen screens, 3 Emails, 2 buddy
lists and unlimited hours with a flat fee.
On the 7th day of Christmas AOL gave to me……
7 hackers hacking, 6 snerts annoying, 5 Chat Room brawls!!! 4 frozen screens, 3
Emails, 2 buddy lists and unlimited hours with a more...

When asked, "What is a contingent fee?" a lawyer answered, "A contingent fee to a lawyer means, if I don't win your suit, I get nothing. If I do win it, you get nothing."