Environment Jokes

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    CAT v.6.1b: Completely Autonomous Tester, Manufactured by MOMCAT
    User Installation and Maintenance Documentation:
    Features:
    User Friendly
    Low Power CPU
    Self Portable Operation
    Dual Video and Audio Input
    Audio Output
    Auto Search Capability for Input Data
    Auto Search for Output Bin
    Auto Learn Program in ROM
    Instant Transition To Energy Saving Standby Mode When Not In Use
    Wide Operating Temperature Range
    Mouse Driven
    Self Cleaning
    Production Details:
    After basic KIT construction, the unit undergoes six weeks of
    onsite ROM programming and burn-in testing. Listed features are
    installed during this period. Since MOMCAT uses local suppliers,
    there may be a variation between individual units. Some of the
    units may not meet general standards. MOMCAT's quality assurance
    may reject inferior units. Users may sometimes salvage rejected
    units. Beware of Far East clones. These may violate more...

    Below are the typical areas of a resume and my priceless secrets for dealing with them. These tips will help crush the competition, get you in the door and put you behind a desk making 50 big ones, plus bonus.
    THE NAME - Use the name to your advantage. Spice it up a little bit. Steve Smith goes nowhere fast. But Sir Stephen Smith - now that might turn a few heads. Nicknames also help. Mark "Keyboards" O'Malley is good. Mark "Kegsucker" O'Malley is bad.
    THE ADDRESS - Forget your real address. Make a statement instead! Saying you're from the Bronx suggests you're tough as nails. Anyplace in Japan implies you believe in an 18-hour-a-day work ethic!
    THE PHONE NUMBER - Skip it. What are the odds they'll call - 1,000 to 1. If they do, they'll probably just catch your roommate somewhere in the middle of his second six-pack. My advice is never put your phone number on a resume unless you want to try some interesting 900 number which might wake up a recruiter or more...

    Manufactured by: MOMCATT - Makers Of Many CATTs
    Anytown USA (Offices around the World)

    FEATURES

    Low Power CPU
    Self Portable Operation
    Dual Video Inputs
    Dual Audio Inputs
    Audio Output
    Main Input Multiplexed with Error Output
    Auto Search for Input Data
    Auto Search for Output Bin
    Auto Learn Program in ROM
    Auto Sleep When Not in Use
    Wide Operating Temperature Range
    Self Cleaning

    Production Details

    After basic construction, the unit undergoes 6 weeks of ROM
    programming and burn-in testing. MOMCATT will typically reject
    inferior products, but sometimes people will salvage rejected units.

    These factory seconds may or may not perform the same as units that
    pass the standard acceptance testing. All of the previously listed
    features are installed during this interval. Since MOMCATT uses many
    different suppliers, there is wide variation between the more...

    Work Environment: (Wise manager) + (Wise employee) = PROFIT (Wise manager) + (Dumb employee) = PRODUCTION(Dumb manager) + (Wise employee) = PROMOTION (Dumb manager) + (Dumb employee) = OVERTIME

    Editor's Note: It's dry parody. You gotta really like sci-fi to enjoy this one...

    -------------------------------------------------------
    Experiment 8 Postflight Summary
    NASA publication 14-307-1792
    -------------------------------------------------------

    ABSTRACT

    The purpose of this experiment was to prepare for the expected participation in long-term space based research by husband-wife teams once the US space station is in place. To this end, the investigators explored a number of possible approaches to continued marital relations in the zero-G orbital environment provided by the XXXXXX shuttle mission.

    Our primary conclusion is that satisfactory marital relations are within the realm of possibility in zero-G, but that many couples would have difficulty getting used to the approaches we found to be most satisfactory.

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    INTRODUCTION

    The more...

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