Farmers Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How many Newfie farmers does it take to milk a cow?
A: 5...One to hold the utter and four to lift the cow up and down, up and down.

So there was this horse and a chicken that lived on a farm. The horse and the chicken were in fact two very good friends. One day the horse fell into a mud hole that he could not get out of. The chicken saw this and said, "What should I do?","What should I do?". and the horse replies,"Go get the farmers BMW and a rope so that you can pull me out".
So, the chicken runs and gets the BMW and a rope. He drives it back, ties the rope to the horse and the other end to the car. The chicken puts the car in gear and pulls the horse out. "Wow", the horse said. "Thanks alot out there".
So one day the chicken falls into the hole. "Help, Help" he is saying."Go get the farmers BMW and a rope to pull me out!" The horse said, "No need....I just straddle the hole and you hold onto my dick and pull me out" "OK" said the chicken. So the chicken grabs a hold of his dick and is pulled out.
What is the more...

Q: How many academics does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. That's what research students are for.

Q: How many academics does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Five: One to write the grant proposal, one to do the mathematical modelling, one to type the research paper, one to submit the paper for publishing, and one to hire a student to do the work.

Q: How many sheep does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Twenty-one. One to change it and twenty to follow him round while he looks for a new one.

Q: Why did the `Real Man' sit in the dark?
A: He couldn't find a new light bulb and was too embrassed to ask.

Q: How many George Smillivitches does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, becouse tough girls aren't afraid of the dark.

Q: How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it, and one of them can change the bulb while more...

Q: How many French farmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. Farmer #1 goes away and gets a new lightbulb. Farmer #2 notices that it has been imported from Britain and promptly sets fire to it, so farmer #1 has to go and get another one, and then farmer #3 changes it.
Note: Topical to French farmers setting fire to imported British sheep.)

So there was this horse and a chicken that lived on a farm. The horse and the chicken were in fact two very good friends. One day the horse fell into a mud hole that he could not get out of. The chicken saw this and said, "What should I do?","What should I do?" and the horse replies,"Go get the farmers BMW and a rope so that you can pull me out".

So, the chicken runs and gets the BMW and a rope. He drives it back, ties the rope to the horse and the other end to the car. The chicken puts the car in gear and pulls the horse out. "Wow", the horse said. "Thanks alot out there". So one day the chicken falls into the hole. "Help, Help" he is saying."Go get the farmers BMW and a rope to pull me out!" The horse said, "No need.... I just straddle the hole and you hold onto my dick and pull me out" "OK" said the chicken. So the chicken grabs a hold of his dick and is pulled out.

What more...

On Cows and Government
FEUDALISM
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk
PURE SOCIALISM
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
FASCISM
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM
You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the more...

Four farmers were seated at the bar in a tavern. At the table next to them sat a young girl.

The first man said, "I think it's WOOMB." The second replied, "No, it must be WOOOOMBH." The third said, "You both have it wrong -- it's WOOM." The fourth stated, "No, it has to be WOOMMMMBBB."

At this, the young lady could stand it no longer. She got up, walked over to the farmers and said, "Look, you hayseeds, it's WOMB. That's it, that's all there is to it." Then she left.

Eventually, one of the farmers broke the silence by saying, "Well, I don't know. A slip of a girl like that, I don't see how she could know. I'll bet she's never even heard an elephant fart!"