Keeping Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.
    He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction
    on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they
    would marry, he thought to himself, "She'll never go for me carrying on like
    that," so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after
    that they got married.
    A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they
    lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because
    he had to walk. On is way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma
    of baked beans overwhelmed him.
    Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill
    affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had
    three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he "putt-putted". more...

    DEFINING SOCIETIES VIA THE OWNERSHIP OF 2 COWSFEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.DICTATORSHIP: You have two more...

    Arkansas Scholars

    Hot 7 years ago

    Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16 year old students! (Don't laugh too hard - one of these may be the president someday.)
    Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
    Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
    Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
    Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
    Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
    Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets a election.
    Q: What are steroids? A: more...

    DEFINING SOCIETIES VIA THE OWNERSHIP OF 2 COWS
    FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
    PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
    BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
    FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
    PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
    RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the more...

    FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
    PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
    BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
    FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
    PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
    RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
    DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The more...

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