Fake Jokes / Recent Jokes

there are three santas 2 fake ones and the real santa
the first fake one goes into a hotell and says i need a room
the hotell clerk said we dont have any rooms butt a haunted
room and we dont rent that one out, the fake santa says
i dont believe in ghost's so when he got to his room
he heard a voice say I'M THE GHOST OF JEANIE WEINIE GIVEME
YOUR BALLS OR ELSE I'LL EAT YOUR WEINIE. the fake santa
jumped out the window. the second fake santa came in the
room and he heard a voice say I'M THE GHOST OF JEANI
WEINIE GIVE ME YOUR BALLS OUR ELSE ILL EAT YOUR WEINIE
and hejumped out the windom. then the real santa came in
and heard I'M THE GHOST OF JEANIE WIENIE GIVE ME YOUR
BALLS OR ELSE ILL EAT YOUR WIENIE. and he said "I'M THE
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST TOUCH MY BALLS I'LL KICK YOUR
ASS!

Any footage of audience "laughing" at Pauly's "jokes" proven fake as well.

(These are fake books, but they make me laugh)
"Spots on the Wall" by Hoo-flung-poo
"Under the Bleachers" by Seamore Butts
"Ten Steps from the Outhouse" by Willie Makeit, Illustrations by Bettie Cant

"I found my wife in bed naked one day next to a Vietnamese guy and a black guy. I took a picture and sent it to Benetton. You never know."
** Franck Dubosc
"What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'"
** Francois Morency
"Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die."
** Tim Steeves
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
** Jimmy Shubert
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex-no matter what she's reading."
**Emo Philips
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets (oral sex) no matter how bad it is."
** Lenny Clarke
"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'"
** Emo Philips
"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in."
** Rich Jeni
"Hockey is a sport for more...

Should the tree be real or fake?
Yuppie Solution: Live tree, planted after use
Male Solution: Fake tree, discarded after use
Female Solution: Grow tree in house, adorned with fruits
Reality: Fake tree stays up until May, adorned with furballs
Should tree lights twinkle or stay constant?
Yuppie Solution: Each bulb blinks to its own random rhythm
Male Solution: Bulbs flash logo of football team
Female Solution: Elegant flickering candles
Reality: Tree bursts into flames, burns house down
Should the tree be topped with an angel or a star?
Yuppie Solution: Gender-neutral angel; no submissive female stereotype
Male Solution: Blonde angel, kneeling, in a wet T-shirt
Female Solution: Authentic angel explains true meaning of Christmas
Reality: Hell's Angel steals the tree and the gifts
Do you fling or hang tinsel?
Yuppie Solution: Empower each strand w/self-determining skills
Male Solution: Six large clumps of tinsel on front more...

Two of the most common indications of nervousness are trembling hands and a need to urinate. It's hardly surprising, then, that the floors of men's airport toilets are soaked with piss: most of the gents who use the facilities are at least a little concerned at the prospect of their upcoming flight.

Until recently, the lavatories at Amsterdam's Schiphol airport were no exception, as nervous flyers emptied their bladders everywhere except in the urinals. However after a debate among airport staff, Schiphol hit upon a possible solution.

The cleaners began painting flies on the inside of urinals, the theory being that men would always aim for the little' fellas' (flies) in an attempt to piss them down the drain. And it seems to have worked. With 700 fake flies now resident in the airport's conveniences, the level of splashing has been reduced by 80%, and the toilet manufacturers are now producing a line of' bogs' (toilets) complete with pre-painted more...

Christmas controversies & various solutions
CONTROVERSY: Should the tree be real or fake?
YUPPIE:Live tree, planted after use
MALE:Fake tree, discarded after use
FEMALE:Grow tree in house, adorned with fruits
REALITY:Fake tree stays up until May, adorned with furballs
CONTROVERSY: Should tree lights twinkle or stay constant?
YUPPIE:Each bulb blinks to its own random rhythm
MALE:Bulbs flash logo of football team
FEMALE:Elegant flickering candles
REALITY:Tree bursts into flames, burns house down
CONTROVERSY: Should tree be topped with an angel or a star?
YUPPIE:Gender-neutral angel; no submissive female stereotype
MALE:Blonde angel, kneeling, in a wet T-shirt
FEMALE:Authentic angel explains true meaning of Christmas
REALITY:Hell's Angel steals the tree and the gifts
CONTROVERSY: Do ya fling or hang tinsel?
YUPPIE:Empower each strand w/self-determining skills
MALE:Six large clumps of tinsel on front of more...