Examining Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    An inmate at the insane asylum was being examined for possible release. The first question the examining doctor asked was: "What are you going to do when you leave this institution?"
    "I'm gonna get me a sling shot," said the patient, "and I'm gonna come back here and break every goddam window in the place!"
    After six more months of treatment, the patient was again brought before the examining doctor for possible dismissal, and the same question was put to him.
    "Well, I'm going to get a job," the patient replied.
    "Fine," said the doctor. "Then what?"
    "I'm going to rent an apartment."
    "Very good."
    "Then I'm going to meet a beautiful girl."
    "Excellent."
    "I'm going to take the beautiful girl up to my apartment and I'm going to pull up her skirt."
    "Normal, perfectly normal."
    "Then I'm gonna steal her garter, make more...

    A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner.The attorney asks, "Before you signed thedeath certificate had you taken the man's pulse?" The coroner says, "No." The attorney then asks, "Did you listen for a heart beat?" "No." "So when you signed the death certificate you had not takenany steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?" The corner, now tired of the brow beating says, "Well, let meput it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on mydesk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing lawsomewhere."

    A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She's laid on a trolley bed by a lady in a white dress and brought to the corridor.
    Before they enter the room she leaves her behind the theatre door to go in and check whether everything is ready.
    A young man wearing a white coat approaches, takes the sheet away and starts examining her naked body. He walks away and talks to another man in a white coat. The second man comes over and does the same examinations.
    When a third man starts examining her body so closely, she grows impatient and says: "All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?"
    The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders: "I have no idea. We're just painting the corridor."

    A lawyer walks into a bar and sits down next to a drunk who is closely examining something held in his fingers.
    The lawyer watches the drunk for a while till he finally gets curious enough to ask what it is.
    "Well" said the drunk, "it looks like plastic and feels like rubber."
    "Let me have it" said the lawyer.
    Taking it, he began to roll it between his thumb and forefinger, examining it closely. "Yes" he finally said, "it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, but I don't know what it is. Where did you get it?"
    "From my nose" the drunk replied.

    A lawyer walks into a bar and sits down next to a drunk who is closely examining something held in his fingers. The lawyer watches the drunk for a while till he finally gets curious enough to ask what it is.
    "Well," said the drunk, "it looks like plastic and feels like rubber."
    "Let me have it," said the lawyer.
    Taking it, he began to roll it between his thumb and forefinger, examining it closely.
    "Yes," he finally said, "it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, but I don't know what it is. Where did you get it?"
    "From my nose," the drunk replied.

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