Coroner Jokes

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    A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner.The attorney asks, "Before you signed thedeath certificate had you taken the man's pulse?" The coroner says, "No." The attorney then asks, "Did you listen for a heart beat?" "No." "So when you signed the death certificate you had not takenany steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?" The corner, now tired of the brow beating says, "Well, let meput it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on mydesk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing lawsomewhere."

    The Murder Trial

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    In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:
    Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?
    Coroner: No.
    Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?
    Coroner: No.
    Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
    Coroner: No.
    Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?
    Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.

    Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles
    on
    their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has
    happened.
    "First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love
    to
    his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner.
    "Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand dollars on the lottery,
    spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
    The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
    "Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one.
    Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."
    "Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
    "Thought he was having his picture taken."

    In a murder trial, thedefense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:
    Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?
    Coroner: No.
    Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?
    Coroner: No.
    Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
    Coroner: No.
    Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?
    Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.

    Joe is teeing off from the Back Tees. On his downswing
    he realizes that his wife Mary is teeing up on the Red Tees
    directly in his way. Unable to stop his swing he nails it and
    hits her directly in the temple and kills her instantly.
    .
    A few days later Joe gets a call from the coroner regarding
    her autopsy.
    .
    Coroner: "Joe, your wife seemed to have died from blunt
    force trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and
    hit her in the temple, is that correct?"
    .
    Joe: "Yes sir, that's correct"
    .
    Coroner: "Joe, I also found a golf ball wedged up her butt"
    .
    Joe: "Was it a Titleist Three?"
    .
    Coroner: "Yes, it was"
    .
    Joe: "That was my mulligan"

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