Eggnog Jokes

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    Your Eggnog's Too Strong

    Hot 2 years ago

    If you see a fat man. ..
    Who's jolly and cute,
    wearing a beard
    and a red flannel suit,
    and if he is chuckling
    and laughing away,
    while flying around
    in a miniature sleigh
    with eight tiny reindeer
    to pull him along,
    then lets face it...
    Your eggnog's too strong!!!

    I hate some things about this time of year. Not the crass commercialism and forced frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police come out with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the holidays without gaining 10 pounds.
    You can't pick up a magazine without finding a list of holiday eating do's and don'ts... eliminate second helpings, high-calorie sauces and cookies made with butter, they say. Fill up on vegetable sticks, they say.
    Good grief. Is your favorite childhood memory of Christmas a carrot stick?
    I didn't think so. Isn't mine, either. A carrot was something you left for Rudolph. I have my own list of tips for holiday eating. I assure you, if you follow them, you'll be fat and happy. So what if you don't make it to New Year's? Your pants won't fit anymore, anyway.
    About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave more...

    I hate this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced
    frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police come out with
    their wagging fingers and annual tip on how to get through the holidays
    without gaining 10 pounds. You can't pick up a magazine without finding a
    list of holiday eating do's and don'ts. Eliminate second helpings,
    high-calorie sauces and cookies made with butter, they say. Fill up on
    vegetable sticks, they say.
    Good grief.
    Is your favorite childhood memory of Christmas a carrot stick? I didn't
    think so. Isn't mine, either. A carrot was something you left for Rudolph. I
    have my own list of tips for holiday eating. I assure you, if you follow
    them, you'll be fat and happy. So what if you don't make it to New Year's?
    Your pants won't fit anymore, anyway.
    1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a
    holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, more...

    If you threw a party, the worst thing you could have done was throw the kind of party where your guests, the next day, call you up to say they had a nice time. Now you'll be expected to throw another great party next year.What you should have done was throw the kind of party where your guests wake up several days from now and call their lawyers to find out if they've been indicted for anything. You want your guests to be so anxious to avoid a recurrence of your party that they immediately start planning parties of their own, a year in advance, just to prevent you from having another one. So next time, make sure your party reaches the correct Festivity Level: Festivity Level One:Your guests are chatting amiably with each other, admiring your Christmas-tree ornaments, singing carols around the upright piano, sipping at their drinks and nibbling at hors d'oeuvres. Festivity Level Two:Your guests are talking loudly-sometimes to each other and sometimes to nobody at all, rearranging your more...

    I hate aspects of this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police come out with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the holidays without gaining 10 pounds.1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnogaholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later then you think. It's Christmas!3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. more...

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