Comedian Jokes / Recent Jokes
I never actually grapsed the whole "Trick or treat" ultimatum.Giving candy to grateful, adorable children or receiving a bag of flaming animal excrement on your doorstep-is this a choice?-Jerry Seinfeld
The EPA is conducting a $700,000 dollar study to see if Alaskan trees are polluting Oregon forests. You can tell Republicans are in power. "Pollution? It's those damn trees."Jay Leno
Three hookers were sitting in a bar after a long night of work. They were having a drink and talking about their last tricks. The first hooker said, "I just got done with an artist."
"Really", said the second hooker, "how could you tell?"
"When he was done", replied the first, "he got up and painted a beautiful mural of my vagina complete with angels and cherubs."
"Wow", said the second, "I just got done with a hunter."
"How do you know know he was a hunter?", said the first.
"Well, he went deep in the bush and ate what he shot.", she replied.
The three laughed. "Ha, ha, I've heard that one before.", said the first hooker.
Finally, the third prostitute piped up. "I just got done with a comedian."
The two others look her oddly. "How do you know he was a comedian?", they asked.
"Well", she replied, "We were having sex more...
I had my appendix removed. There was nothing wrong with it, I just did it as a warning to the other organs in my body to shape up or they're out of there-Charlie Viracola
I once met a dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date butunfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
Top three stimuli a comedian uses to assist in pleasuring himself while staying alone in a crappy motel in Arkansas:
1. Vanessa Williams Pro-Activ Commercial
2. Christie Brinkley/ Chuck Norris infomercial with masking tape covering the side of the TV with Chuck on it.
3. May-Belle, cashier from the Wal-Mart down the road.