Columbus Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How is a flag like Santa Claus?
A: They both hang out at the pole!
Q: What did the patriotic dog do on Flag Day?
A: He flagged his tail!
Teacher: "How did the Founding Fathers decide on our country's flag?"
Student: "I guess they took a flag poll!"
Q: What would you get if you crossed the Stars and Stripes with a cookie?
A: A Flag Newton!
Dad: "Most people don't have to work today, because it's Labor Day."
Son: "If they're not working, shouldn't it be' No-Labor' Day?"
Q: Did you hear the one about Labor Day?
A: It works for me!
Q: Where did Columbus first land in America?
A: On his feet!
Q: Who was the first cat to discover America?
A: Christopher Columpuss!
Q: How was Columbus's ship like an avid shopper?
A: They're both driven by sales!
Q: What would you get if you crossed October 12 with Halloween?
A: Ghoulumbus Day!

Rules that guys wished girls knew..........
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see
if he can find the perfect present, again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and
monster trucks.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like
every other cat.
9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
11. Shopping is not sport.
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13. You have enough more...

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA (Federal Housing Administration) loan for a client. He was told that the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to FHA, he received the following reply:
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have cleared the Title to the proposed collateral property only back to the year 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:
"Your letter regarding Titles in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have Titles more...

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA (Federal Housing Administration) loan for a client. He was told that the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a
parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated
back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down.After sending the information to FHA, he received the following reply: “Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you
prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared the Title to the proposed collateral property back to the year 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin.”Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:
“Your letter regarding Titles in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have Titles more...

One of the best examples of how ridiculous government paperwork can be is illustrated by a recent case in Louisiana. A company president was trying to buy some land in Louisiana for a plant expansion, and he wanted to finance this new facility with a government loan.

His lawyer filled out all the necessary forms, including the abstract---tracing the title to the land back to 1803. The government reviewed his application and abstract and sent the following reply:

' We received today your letter enclosing application for your client supported by abstract of title. We have observed, however, that you have not traced the title previous to 1803, and before final approval, it will be necessary that the title be traced previous to that year. Yours truly.'

As a result, the lawyer sent the following letter to the government:

' Gentlemen, your letter regarding title received. I note you wish title to be claimed back further than I have done more...

The teacher was telling the story of Christoper Columbus and how many thought that the world was flat. Then she had mentioned that the world was really round and... got interrupted...
"Miss Smith, the world is square, not round," said Johnny.
"No, it's round Johnny. Who told you it was square?" replied the teacher.
"My older brother. He claims he's been to all 4 corners of the earth."

How did Columbus's men sleep on their ships? With their eyes shut!