Christopher Columbus was stranded in Jamaica and needed supplies. He knew that an eclipse was to occur the next day. He told the tribal chief, "The God who protects me will punish you. Unless you give me supplies this night, a vengeance will fall upon you and the moon shall lose its light!"
When the eclipse darkened the sky, Columbus got all the supplies he needed.
In the early 1900s, and Englishman tried the same trick on a Sudanese chieftain. "If you do not follow my order," he warned, "vengeance will fall upon you and the moon will lose its light."
"If you're referring to the lunar eclipse," the Sudanese chieftain replied, "that doesn't happen until the day after tomorrow."
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral.
The title to the property dated back
to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down.
After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply:
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral proper back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin.
"Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:
"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note
that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 more...
Excerpted from the Columbus Dispatch, (compiled by Accent staff) 5/15/91:
"Accent asked students at Columbus' Beck School, and Dublin's Chapman
Elementary to study a list of 20 axioms with the key words missing."
-If you can't stand the heat, get a Pool.
-If you can't stand the heat, get out of the oven.
-A bird in the hand is messy.
-Don't count your chickens, eat them.
-You can't teach an old dog new math.
-When in Rome, do Roman numerals in math.
-When in Rome, do bulls run around town?
-Too many cooks, so little meals.
-A fool and his money are my best friends.
-A penny saved is one cent.
-Look before you run into a pole.
-A watched pot never disappears.
-A rolling stone makes you flat.
-A rolling stone is a singing rock group.
-Every cloud has a wet spot.
The teacher stood at the front of the room. "Does anybody know what this Monday is?"
About half of the students raised their hands. The teacher pointed to one of them. "It's Columbus Day!" he crowed.
The teacher smiled. "It is. Does anybody know why we celebrate it?"
This time, only one student raised her hand. "It's the day the Indians discovered Columbus!"
How very true indeed.
There's a Buckeye fan from Ohio driving from Columbus to Ann Arbor, and a Wolverine fan driving from Ann Arbor driving to Columbus. In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other head-on and both cars go flying off in different directions.
The Wolverine guy manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I am really lucky to be alive!"
Likewise the Buckeye guy scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. He too says to himself, "I can't believe I survived this wreck!"
The Wolverine guy walks over to the Buckeye guy and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of arch rivals."
The Buckeye guy thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. Now I'm going to see what else surrvived this wreck." So the Buckeye guy pops open more...