Cock Jokes / Recent Jokes
A guy goes down south to be a farmer because it's his life long dream. So he buys a piece of land and goes down there. Now all he needs are the animals. So he goes into a store and asks the clerk for a rooster to wake him up every morning.The clerk says, "We don't call 'em roosters, we call 'em cocks.""Okay" the man says. "I'll take a cock and a rabbit for the farm." "We pronounce it rubbit says the clerk." "Okay, I'll take those two things and a mule to carry them home.""We don't call 'em mules, we call 'em asses and every time the ass stops walkin', just scratch behind his ear."So the man walks out of the store with the three animals. He's walking home when all of a sudden the mule stops.The man sees a lady passing by and asks, "Can you hold my cock and rubbit while I scratch my ass?"
The South Carolina State Police received reports of illegal cock fights being held out in the parish near Goose Creek, and duly dispatched Detective Thibideaux to investigate. Thibideaux reported to his sergeant the next morning.
"Dey is tree main groups in dis cock fightin," Thibideaux began.
"Good work Thibideaux! Who dey be?" the sergeant asked. Thibideaux replied confidently, "De Polacks, de Cajuns, and de Mafia."
Puzzled, the sergeant asked, "How you find dat out in one night?"
"Well," said Thibideaux, "I went down and done seed dat cock fight,I knowed de Polacks was involved whan a duck was entered in de fight."
The sergeant nodded. "Oh yeah, l see dat, but what' bout de others?"
Thibideaux intoned knowingly, "Well, I knowed de Cajuns was involved whan sumbody bet on de duck."
"Ah," sighed the sergeant. "Dat more...
Lance Bass, when he came out, reassured us that he's a "straight-acting gay... normal guys, who like watching football and drinking beer."
And don't forget sucking cock, Lance. You can drink a keg of Old Milwaukee on the field in the middle of the Super Bowl, but once you're sucking cock, you're about as "straight-acting" as George Michael at a porn star pool party.
One day, an old farmer went to a neighbor's house to find out where his cock (rooster) was. The well-to-do neighbor answered the door and asked the farmer what he could do for him.
The farmer, appearing quite upset, said, "Sir, last night your ass got in my yard and ate both legs off my cock."
"Excuse me?" replied the neighbor.
The farmer, gathering attention by now, proceeded to scream, "You have got two feet of my cock up your ass!"
What do you get when you cross a donkey and an onion?
A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.
What do you get when you cross a rooster and a telephone pole?
A fifty foot cock that wants to reach out and touch someone.
What do you get when you cross a rooster and a jar of skippy
peanutbutter?
A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
What do you get when you cross a oyster and an owl?
A muscle that stays up all night.
There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment. One day he went shopping, his first stop was at a hardware store. He went up to the shop assistant and asked "Could I have a fucketplease?" The assistant asked"Pardon sir?". " Can I have a fucket please?" Replied the man. "Oh you mean a bucket!" The shop assistant replied. The old man said "Yes, that's what I said". So the man paid for hisbucket and went into the antique shop. In the antique shop he went to the cashier and asked -"Can I have a cock please?" The cashier looked very puzzled and asked "Pardon?". The man again asked "Can I have a cock please?" The cashier replied "Oh you mean a clock! - yes certainly sir." So he paid for the clock and walked out of the shop. The next stop was to the bakers. He went to the assistant andasked "Can I have a bum please?" The assistant said "Sorry sir what did you say?". more...