Cock Jokes / Recent Jokes

A fellow talking to his friend says, "How can I tell if my girl is a virgin?"

Friend tells him, "You have to wait till you wedding night, you show it to her and ask what it is. If she calls it a penis, she's a virgin. If she says it's a cock, she's been around."

So the guy gets married, and in the hotel room he flips it out to her and says "What is this?"

"That's a penis!" she replies.

"Great," he sighs, "I thought you were going to call it a cock."

"Of course not! A cock is twice as big!!"

A farmer rears 25 young hens and one old cock.
As the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer buys one young cock from the market and puts it in the pen with the old cock and the hens…
Old Cock: Welcome to the farm.
We’ll work together towards productivity.
Young Cock: Whattya mean? As far as I know, you are old and should be retired.
Old Cock: Young boy, there are 25 hens here, can’t I help you with some?
Young Cock: No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.
Old Cock: In this case, I challenge you to a competition and, if I win, you let me have one hen. If I lose you have them all.
Young Cock: Okay. What kind of competition?
Old Cock: 50-yard dash. From here to that tree.
But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 yards.
Young Cock: No problem! We race tomorrow morning.
Confidently, the following morning, the Young Cock allows the Old Cock to start off and when the Old more...

There's that man, who has a cock 50 cm long. And he can't get fucked, cause' no lady can take it that sky-high. Well, he's desperate and the only way out seems the Ookaburra witch. Well, the man decides to seek help from the witch. Entering the dark cottage, a voice speaks: "I know why You are here... 3 kilometers east from here there is a swamp. In the middle of the swamp on a stone sits the largest frog on earth. If You get him to answer "no" to one of Your questions, Your cock will get 10 cm shorter."
Well, in the swamp they meet and after a little thought he asks: "Frog, will you marry me?" - "No"
The man goes behind a small tree and checks it out - wow! 10 cm shorter!
Well, surely enough he goes again and asks: "Frog, will you marry me?" - "No!"
He goes behind the tree again and looks: only 30 cm long! 20 cm would be just right...
Again, he asks: "Frog, will you marry me?" - "How many more...

A guy goes down south to be a farmer because it's his life long dream. So he buys a piece of land and goes down there. Now all he needs are the animals. So he goes into a store and asks the clerk for a rooster to wake him up every morning. The clerk says, "We don't call' em roosters, we call' em cocks." "Okay" the man says. "I'll take a cock and a rabbit for the farm." "We pronounce it rubbit says the clerk." "Okay, I'll take those two things and a mule to carry them home." "We don't call' em mules, we call' em asses and every time the ass stops walkin', just scratch behind his ear." So the man walks out of the store with the three animals. He's walking home when all of a sudden the mule stops. The man sees a lady passing by and asks, "Can you hold my cock and rubbit while I scratch my ass?"

One day, a man went to a nearby farm to buy some of the animals that were for sale there.He walked up to the farmer and said,"Hey, that's a nice donkey you got there. I think I'll take it."The farmer replied,"That's not a donkey, that's an ass."So, the man said,"Okay, then, I'll take the ass." Then he walked over to the chicken coup and said,"I like that chicken. I'll take it too."The farmer replied,"That is a pullet."So the man said,"Okay, I'll take the pullet."He was looking at a rooster and said,"Well, I guess I'll take the rooster, too."The farmer replied,"That's not a rooster, it's a cock."So they load the pullet and the cock into the back of the man's truck and tie the ass to the back. The man then pays the farmer as the farmer tells him,"Now, sometimes the ass gets a little stubborn and he stops. All you have to do is get out and scratch his back, and he'll go again."So the man drives more...

this man walks into a clock shop and whips out his dick and puts it on the counter the woman assistant says sir this is a clock shop not a cock shop so the man replies well put 2 hands and a face on this!

This man was having problems getting it up to have sex with his wife, so he went to the doctor for advice. The doctor told him the next time he wanted to have sex, to stick his finger in his wife's pussy, and then rub it under his nose, and the smell would cause his hormones to kick in, and he would obtain an erection. That night, he decided to make his move. He turned out all the lights and got into bed. He put his finger in her pussy, and then rubbed it under his nose. He felt a tingling in his cock, and it began to stiffen. Amazed, he decided to see what would happen if he used two fingers. He stuck them in her pussy, then rubbed them both under his nose, and his cock quickly jumped to 3/4 erect. He decided to try 3 fingers, so he put them in her pussy, then rubbed them all around under his nose. Soon he was sporting the biggest hard on he could remember. He said, "Honey, quick turn on the lights, and check this out!" She turned on the lights, and with his dick standing more...