Scratch Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Helping hand!!

    Hot 8 years ago

    Once there was this city boy who wanted to go country, so he headed out to a farm to buy some animals.
    "I'll take one of these," he said to the farmer.
    "What is it?"
    Well, to me it's a cock, but to you it's a rooster," said the farmer.
    "I'll take one of these, too," said the city boy.
    "What is it?"
    "Well, to me it's a pullet, but to you it's a chicken," replied the farmer.
    "Okay," said the city boy. "And I'll take one of those, too, if you'll tell me what it is."
    "To me it's an ass, but to you it's a mule," explained the farmer, "and when that ass gets stubborn, it sits down and you have to scratch its belly to get it moving again."
    So the city boy set off down the road with all his new purchases. He was doing fine till a pretty girl drove by, at which point the ass sat down and refused to budge.
    Seeing he as having some trouble, the girl backed up and more...

    Golf Genie

    Hot 2 weeks ago

    Golf Genie
    A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf, were about to tee off on
    the third hole, which was lined with beautiful homes. The wife hit her
    shot and the ball began to slice - her shot was headed directly at a very
    large plate glass window. Much to her surprise, the ball smashed through
    the window and shattered it into a million pieces. They felt compelled to
    see what damage was done and drove off to see what happened. When they
    peeked inside the house, they found no one there. The husband called out
    and no one answered. Upon further investigation, they saw a small
    gentleman sitting on the couch with a turban on his head. The wife asked
    the man, "
    Do you live here?"
    "
    No, someone just hit a ball through the
    window, knocked over the vase you see there, freeing me from that little
    bottle. I am so grateful!"
    he answe red. The wife asked, "
    Are you a
    genie?"
    more...

    Rubbit the Rabbit

    Hot 4 years ago

    A guy goes down south to be a farmer because it's his life long dream. So he buys a piece of land and goes down there. Now all he needs are the animals. So he goes into a store and asks the clerk for a rooster to wake him up every morning.
    The clerk says, "We don't call 'em roosters, we call 'em cocks."
    "Okay" the man says. "I'll take a cock and a rabbit for the farm."
    "We pronounce it rubbit says the clerk."
    "Okay, I'll take those two things and a mule to carry them home."
    "We don't call 'em mules, we call 'em asses and every time the ass stops walkin', just scratch behind his ear."
    So the man walks out of the store with the three animals. He's walking home when all of a sudden the mule stops.
    The man sees a lady passing by and asks, "Can you hold my cock and rubbit while I scratch my ass?"

    5. I will not demand to get out the minute after I come in? and visa versa. 4. I will not scratch wallpaper, curtains, furniture, clothing or my scratch pad.3. I will not annoy the dog next door (unless I? m in a bad mood) 2. I will come when my human calls me (occasionally)and the Number One New Year Resolution for Cookie is...1. I will not sleep more than 23 hours per day.

    your mommas so stupid she went to mcdonalds and asked for two scratch tickets

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