Coat Jokes / Recent Jokes

Definitions of A Diplomat:Always knows what to talk about, but doesn't always talk about what he knows.Always tries to settle problems created by other diplomats.Can always make himself misunderstood.Can bring home the bacon without spilling the beans.Can convince his wife not to hide her nice body under a floor-length sable.Can convince his wife to show off her new coat in a bus rather than in a taxi.Can juggle a hot potato long enough for it to become a cold issue.Can keep his shirt on while getting something off his chest.Can look happy when he has unexpected dinner guests.Can make his wife believe she will look fat in a mink coat.Can make nothing sound like something.Can put his best foot forward when he doesn't have a leg to stand on.Can put his foot down without stepping on someone's toes.Can say the nastiest things in the nicest way.Can tell a man he's open-minded when he means he has a hole in his head.Can tell you to go to hell so tactfully that you look forward to the more...

A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minoroperation. She's laid on a trolley bed by a lady ina white dress and brought to the corridor. Beforethey enter the room she leaves her behind the theatredoor to go in and check whether everything is ready. A young man wearing a white coat approaches, takes thesheet away and starts examining her naked body. He walksaway and talks to another man in a white coat. The secondman comes over and does the same examinations. When the third man starts examining her body so closely, she grows impatient and says: "All these examinations arefine and appreciated, but when are you going to start thoperation?" The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders: "I haveno idea. We're just painting the corridor."

After several years of marriage, Debbie's husband, Mike, died
suddenly. According to his wishes, Debbie had his body cremated and
placed the remains in a small urn.
Several weeks later, Debbie came home wearing a full-length mink
coat and an eight-carat diamond ring. She went into the living room,
removed the urn from the mantel and carefully tapped Mike's ashes into
a small dish on the coffee table.
"Mike, my beloved Mike," she began, "I wish to talk to you. Mike,
do you remember, for several years you promised me a mink coat? Well,
here it is, Mike. Do you like it?
"And, Mike," she continued, "do you remember, for several years
you promised me a diamond ring? Yes? You remember? Here it is, Mike.
Do you like it?
"Well," Debbie exclaimed, puffing Mike's ashes into the air,
"there's that blow job I was promising you."

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5: 30 and smells the distinct smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said…. FOR BEST RESULTS, more...

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their
Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but
they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch
her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain
and the top is down."

A man walks into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier with a gorgeous blonde on his arm. "Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims. So the owner of the shop goes in the back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. As the lady tries it on, the furrier sidles up to the guy and discreetly whispers, "Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for $65,000." "No problem! I'll write you a check!" "Very good, sir." says the shop owner. "Today is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has cleared." So the man and the woman leave. On Monday, the fellow returns. The store owner is outraged: "How dare you show your face in here?! There wasn't a single penny in your checking account!!" "I just had to come by," grinned the guy, "to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!"

A wife tells her husband that she wants a fur coat for their 25th anniversary.
"Ha," snorted her husband. "The day I buy you a fur coat will be the day you grow hair on your chest!"
On hearing that, she hiked up her dress, pulled down her panties and thrust her pubic area forward. "There," she snapped, "I have hair on my chest. Now buy me a fur coat!"
"Silly woman, that's not your chest," he snapped back.
"Damn right it's my chest," she argued. "Before we married, it was your hope chest. On our honeymoon, it was your treasure chest. Since then, it has become our family chest... and if you don't buy me a fur coat, it will soon be the COMMUNITY CHEST!"