Blown Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Blonde Suicide

    Hot 5 years ago

    A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her left index finger blown off. "How did this happen?" the doctor asked. "Well I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied. "Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?" "No silly! First I put the gun to my chest and I thought, ‘I just paid $6,000 for these,' then I put it in my mouth and I thought, ‘I just paid $4,000 to get my teeth fixed.' So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought, ‘this is going to make a loud noise,' so I put my finger in my ear before I pulled the trigger." Blonde
    Blonde Suicide "A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her left index finger blown off.
    "How did this happen?" the doctor asked. "Well I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.
    "Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?"
    "No silly! First I put the gun to my chest and I thought, "I just paid more...

    Blown A Seal

    Hot 6 years ago

    A man was driving down an Alaskan road and his car broke down. He phoned the Alaskan Mobile Fixit Service and they arrived shortly after. He service man opened the bonnet and after a while the repair man said " It looks like you've blown a seal ", the man replies "No, it's just frost on my moustache."

    These are all true cuttings,
    Irish police are being handicapped
    in a search for a stolen van
    because they cannot issue a description. It is
    a Special Branch vehicle and they
    do not want the public to know what it
    looks like. (The Guardian)
    Police reveal that a woman
    arrested for shoplifting had a
    whole salami in her knickers. When asked why she
    said it was because she was
    missing her boyfriend. (Reuters via The
    Manchester Evening News)
    After being charged 20 [pounds] for a 10 [pound]
    overdraft, 30 year old Michael
    Howard of Leeds changed his name by deed
    poll to "Yorkshire Bank PLC Are
    Fascist Bastards". The bank has now asked
    him to close his account and Mr.
    Bastards has asked them to repay the 69p
    balance by cheque made out in his
    new name.
    (The Guardian)
    Notice seen in the Churchtown
    Parish Magazine: Would the
    congregation please
    note that the bowl at the back more...

    Last night a hole was blown in the wall of Police Headquarters. Police are looking into it.

    THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY.... check it out these actual cases.

    Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba
    tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask.

    A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.

    It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire.

    You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like more...

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