Bliss Jokes / Recent Jokes
I'm really steamed at my wife. She is so immature! Last night I was taking a bath and she came in and sunk all my little boats! But I'm really a lucky guy. I never realized how much my wife loved me until the other day when I was sick and stayed home from work. She was so happy to have me home, that every time someone came to the door, like the mailman or deliveryman, she'd shout, 'My husbands home! My husband's home!' What a gal I married! And for everyone that's still single, some notes on marriage... Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering....Marriage is an institution, but who wants to live in an institution?...Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss....Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence....Marriage is the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license....Marriage still confers one very special privilege, only a married person can get divorced!
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - David BissonetteA man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. - Zsa Zsa GaborI'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. - Zsa Zsa GaborWhen a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha GuitryMarriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - MontaigneAfter marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - - Hemant JoshiA successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana TurnerMarriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution. - Mae West"I was married by a judge... I should have asked for a jury." - George BurnsUnknown Author QuotesMarriage is more...
Why are they called old sayings? Are they really old? If someone came up with a new one, would it be a new saying?
"A penny saved is a penny earned."
Who cares about a penny? A more appropriate version would be, "A penny saved is absolutely worthless. Try a quarter next time."
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away."
Why? What if apples went extinct? What would happen then? What if you were allergic to them? What if your dad was a doctor? Would that keep him away?
"Ignorance is bliss."
I though bliss was a GOOD thing...
"Don't count your chickens before they are hatched."
But you can't! Before they are hatched, they'd be EGGS.
"Ask no questions and hear no lies."
But what if they tell them anyway?
"Time is money."
But money isn't time...
"Every bird loves to hear himself sing."
Annoying people don't have anything better to do than listen to themselves more...
Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried.
Day 2: Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He’s impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn’t he tell me something I don’t know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven’t noticed.
Day 3: This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a picture of the Washington Monument and burst into tears.
Day 4: A miracle has happened! There’s a new drug on the market that will fix his ‘problem. ’ It’s called Viagra I told him that if he takes Viagra, things will be just like they were on our wedding night. I think this will work. I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift something other than his mood.
Day 5: What absolute bliss!!.
Day 6: Isn’t life wonderful but it’s difficult to write while he’s more...
Many a wife thinks her husband is the world’s greatest lover. But she can never catch him at it.
Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven’t been able to find anybody who’ll take what I have to give. - Cass Daley
Marriage is a mutual relationship if both parties know when to be mute.
Marriage is a rest period between romances.
Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
Marriage is a trip between Niagara Falls and Reno.
Marriage is an institution–but who wants to live in an institution?
Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo…
Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.
I'm really steamed at my wife. She is so immature! Last night I was taking a bath and she came in and sunk all my little boats! But I'm really a lucky guy. I never realized how much my wife loved me until the other day when I was sick and stayed home from work. She was so happy to have me home, that every time someone came to the door, like the mailman or deliveryman, she'd shout,' My husbands home! My husband's home!' What a gal I married! And for everyone that's still single, some notes on marriage...... Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.... Marriage is an institution, but who wants to live in an institution?... Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss.... Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.... Marriage is the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.... Marriage still confers one very special privilege, only a married person can get divorced!