Ring Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The beautiful Executive Assistant to the president of the Chase Manhattan Bank goes on a sight-seeing tour with a very rich Taiwanese client. The client out of the blue asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback.
    However, she remembers what her boss told her. Don't reject the guy outright. So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her. So, after a few minutes, the woman says to the man, "I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75 carat diamond ring, with a matching 200 carat diamond tiara."
    The Taiwanese man pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and says "No problem! I buy. I buy."
    Realizing that her first condition was too easy, the woman says to the man, "I want you to build me a 100 room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine country in France."
    The man pauses for more...

    Dead Ringer

    Hot 3 years ago

    The bell-ringer for the church had just passed away, so the priest was looking for someone new to ring the bell.
    Then one day this man comes out of nowhere and starts banging on the door.
    The priest opens the door and sees that the man has no arms.
    The priest asks him, "How can you ring the bell?"
    The man said, "Let me show you."
    So they went up to the top of the bell tower and the man started hitting the bell with his head.
    The bell starts to swaying and the man misses, and then he goes flying through the window.
    Two more priests come running and ask, "What happened? Who was that?"
    The second priest said, "I don't know but that face sure rings a bell!"

    **** African King ****
    The beautiful secretary of the president of a bank goes on a sight-seeing tour with a very rich African king who was a very important client.
    The client out of the blue asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her...don't reject the guy outright. So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her.
    So, after a few minutes, the woman says to the man,"I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75-carat diamond ring with a matching 200-carat diamond tiara."
    The African king pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and says, "No problem! I have. I have."
    Realizing her first condition was too easy the woman says to the man, "I want you to build me a 100-room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine country in more...

    Engagement

    Hot 6 years ago

    A man walks into a jewelry store on a friday with a sexy blond on tow.
    "We would like to have a look at your ring collection" the man says to the jeweler.
    The jeweler shows him a couple of rings in the R10k range....
    "No" the man replies, "i'm looking for something REALLY nice".
    The jeweler then takes him to the back, into the safe and past the security guards to the seriously expensive rings.
    The man selects the most impressive one and asks the jeweler - -How much for this one?
    R250k replies the jeweler, while watching the blond's face light up like a christmas tree.
    OK, i will take it says the man, but can i pay by cheque?
    "I am afraid we do not accept cheques" replies the jeweler.
    OK says the man- How about i write you the cheque, then you keep the ring and the cheque until the cheque clears, and only then will we pick the ring up.
    Fantastic plan, says the jeweler!!
    Then the man leaves the jewelry more...

    Bell-Ringer

    Hot 5 years ago

    Quasimodo, the bell-ringer for the Notre Dame cathedral in Paris, goes to the cardinal. "Cardinal, I'm getting pretty old and I'd like to retire, and live the rest of my life peacefully." The cardinal says, "That's fine Quasi, we'll just let the town crier know so he can put out the call to find a new bell-ringer." The cardinal does this, and both he and Quasimodo hear the town crier announcing the job opening.
    After about three weeks, they are shocked because they haven't had anyone come for the job opening. The cardinal and Quasimodo are down on the steps talking, "Quasi," said the cardinal, "I'm sorry to say this but I can't let you go retire. We don't have anyone to ring the bells if you go. We'll keep the job offer open to anyone, but no one seems to want to do it." As he was speaking, an armless man runs up, and out of breath says, "I'm - here about - the bell - ringing job. Is it still - available?" The cardinal looks to more...

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