Institution Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Marriage is a fine institution. but I don't think I'm ready to be put in an institution yet.

    Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
    If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.
    The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
    The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
    Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
    The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
    "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
    To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"

    "Ah, yes, divorce., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
    - Robin Williams
    "Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet."
    - Mae West
    "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
    - Robin Williams
    "Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
    - Oscar Wilde
    "Suppose you were an idiot... and suppose you were a member of Congress... but I repeat myself."
    - Mark Twain

    A man who had been in a mental home for some years finally seemed to have improved to the point where it was thought he might be released.
    The head of the institution, in a fit of commendable caution, decided, however, to interview him first.
    "Tell me," said he, "if we release you, as we are considering doing, what do you intend to do with your life?"
    The inmate said, "It would be wonderful to get back to real life, and if I do, I will certainly refrain from making my former mistake. I was a nuclear physicist, you know, and it was the stress of my work in weapons research that helped put me here. If I am released I shall confine myself to work in pure theory; where I trust the situation will be less difficult and stressful."
    "Marvelous," said the head of the institution.
    "Or else," ruminated the inmate, "I might teach. There is something to be said for spending one's life in bringing up a new generation of more...

    A man who had been in a mental institution for some years finally improved to the point where it was thought he might be released. The psychiatrist that ran the institution decided it was better to proceed with caution, and chose to interview him first. "Tell me," said the doctor, "if we release you, as we are considering, what do you plan to do with your life?" The inmate said, "It would be wonderful to get back to real life, and if I do, I will certainly refrain from making my former mistake. I was a nuclear physicist, you see, and it was the stress of my work in weapons research that helped to put me here. If I am released, I shall limit myself to work in pure theory, where I believe the situation will be less difficult and stressful." "Wonderful," said the psychiatrist. "Or else," continued the patient, "I might teach. There is something to be said for dedicating your life to expanding the knowledge of young people." more...

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