Q: What do lawyers use for birth control?
A: Theirpersonalities.jo momma
Chuck Norris had a twin brother but when they were born Chuck Norris choked him with the umbilical chord!!!
Birth Control Pills At 72?
An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth-control pills."
Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"
The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."
The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"
The woman said, "Simple, I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night."
Examples of unclear writing. Sentences taken from actual letters received by the Local Welfare Department from applicants.
I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. I have seven, but one was baptized on half a sheet of paper.
I am writing the Welfare Department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money?
Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for a year and has been visited by the clergy regularly.
I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why?
I am glad to report that my husband who was missing, is dead.
This is my eigth child. What are you going to do about it?
Please find for certain if my husband is dead. The man I now live with can't eat or do anything until he knows.
I am very much annoyed to find that you have branded my son as illeterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was born.
In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing ten pounds. I hope this more...
Little Ole was sitting at the kitchen table doing his school homework. He had a puzzled look on his face as he considered the assignment that was due--writing an essay about his origin. He turned to question his mother. "Mama, vere did Grandma come from?" he asked. "Da stork brought her, " answered mama Lena. "And vere did yew come from?" asked Little Ole. "Da stork brought me, " his mother answered. "And vere did I come from?" Little Ole inquired. "Vell, son, da stork brought yew, tew, " mama Lena replied. With a scowl on his face, Little Ole picked up his pencil, turned to his school tablet, and began writing his essay: "Dere have been no natural births in our family for three yenerations."