Control Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

    Legal Birth Control

    Hot 2 years ago

    Q: What do lawyers use for birth control?
    A: Theirpersonalities.

    Birth Control Pills At 72?
    An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth-control pills."
    Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"
    The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."
    The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"
    The woman said, "Simple, I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night."

    Skiing Accident

    Hot 7 years ago

    A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles of anybody's heart. Conditions were perfect, 12 below, no feeling in the toes, basic numbness all over. The "Tell me when we're having fun" kind of day.
    One of the women in the group complained to her husband that she was in dire need of a restroom. He told her not to worry, that he was sure there was relief at the top of the lift in the form of a powder room for female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and the pain did not go away.
    If you've ever had nature hit its panic button in you, then you know That a temperature of 12 below zero doesn't help matters. So with time running out, she weighed her options.
    Her husband, picking up on the intensity of the pain, suggested that since she was wearing an all white ski outfit, she should go off in the woods. No one would ever notice, he assured her. The white will provide more than adequate camouflage. So she more...

    Heavenly Diet

    Hot 2 years ago

    And God populated the earth with cauliflower, spinach, broccoli and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would be able to live long and healthy lives.
    And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "Would you like fries with that?"
    And Man replied, "Super size them." And Man gained pounds.
    And God created the healthful yogurt, that Woman might keep her figure that Man found so attractive.
    And Satan froze the yogurt, and he brought forth chocolate, nuts and brightly colored sprinkle candy to put on the yogurt. And Woman gained pounds.
    And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."
    And Satan brought forth creamy dressings, bacon bits, and shredded cheese.
    And there was ice cream for dessert. And Woman gained pounds.
    And God said, "I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."
    And Satan more...

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