Birdie Jokes / Recent Jokes

Golfers who claim they never cheat also lie.
A two-foot putt counts the same as a two-foot drive.
Never wash your ball on the tee of a water hole.
There is no such thing as a friendly wager.
The stages of golf are: Sudden Collapse, Radical Change, Complete Frustration, Slow Improvement, Brief Mastery, and Sudden Collapse.
The only sure way to get a par is to leave a four-foot birdie putt two inches short of the hole.
Don't play with anyone who would question a 7.
It's as easy to lower your handicap as it is to reduce your hat size.
If you really want to be better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.
If your driver is hot, your putter will be ice cold; if you can hit your irons, you will top your woods; if you are keeping your right elbow tucked in, your head will come up.
Progress in golf consists of two steps forward and 26.6 miles backward.
One good shank deserves another.
It takes 17 holes to really get warmed more...

A man passes a pet shop, hears a birdie singing. the man goes in, buys, shopkeeper is about to wrap the cage and man says'ik minut.. birdie has only one leg.'--- the birdie said' oye.. tenu gan vali chahi di ya nacchan vali?

Birdie, birdie in the sky
Dropped some white stuff in my eye,
I'm a big girl I won't cry,
I'm just glad that cows don't fly.

These are some real people's names, and what they grew up to be. They are all true:
1.) Iccolo Miccolo played the piccolo for the Los Angeles Philharmonic Orchestra.
2.) H.M. Balmer was a funeral director in Fort Collins, Colorado.
3.) Miss Birdie Snyder married C. Canary and became Birdie Canary.
4.) Perhaps it was best to ignore the orders of Dr. Besick, a doctor in Chicago, Illinois.
5.) The Clipper brothers worked as barbers in Bakersfield, California.
6.) Mr. Thrift of Keepit, Australia, won the $30,000 first prize in a lottery.
7.) D. Sharp was a radio tenor.
8.) Dr. H.A. Toothacre worked as dentist for the Burlington, Iowa, Independent School District.
9.) B.F. Parsons was a parson who lived in the parsonage on Parson Street in Sarna, Michigan.
10.) Greg Lawless was a police officer.
And Finally...
11.) A.C. Current was an electrical contractor in Tontogany, Ohio. His son's name? D.C. Current.

A little boy on the way to school one day saw a drunk playing with himself in an alley. The boy asked what he was doing. The drunk said "playing with my birdie, playing with my birdie" He then passed out. When he came to he was in the hospital, in pain around his groin area. He asked the Dr what happened, the Dr brought in the little boy and told him to answer the man. The boy said "after you went to sleep mister, I played with your birdie and he spit at me so I broke his neck, cracked his eggs and set his nest on fire"