Ahead Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    During the Six Day War...

    Hot 2 months ago

    During the Six Day War, this division of Arabs is making its way across the burning desert sands towards Israel, when the Arab commander, bouncing along in his jeep, spots an aged Israeli on top a distant sand dune. The commander drops his binoculars and shouts orders to a foot soldier to run up ahead and kill the infidel Israeli. The soldier sprints ahead of theadvancing troops, and soon disappears over the sand dune. The general stops the troops and waits to see what happens. Nothing happens. The commander sends a whole platoon of soldiers to investigate. All twelve Arabs disappear over the sand dune, never to be seen again. The now-slightly-anxious commander dispatches 3 tanks to find out just what in the heck is going on, and they disappear over the dune, too. Sweat pours down the commander's forehead as he orders his entiredivision to overrun the solitary Israeli behind the sand dune. But just then, the first soldier reappears on the distant sand dune and cups his hands to his more...

    This blonde goes to the Western Union office and says, "I just have to get an urgent message to my mother in Europe."
    The clerk says it will be $100, and she replies "But I don't have any money... and I *must* get a message to her, it's urgent!... I'll do anything to get a message to her."
    The clerk replies "Anything?"
    "Yes... ANYTHING!" replies the blonde.
    He leads her back to his office and closes the door. He tells her to kneel in front of him. "Unzip me..."
    She does.
    "Take it out... go ahead."
    She does this as well.
    She looks up at him, his member in her hands and he says "Well... go ahead.. do it.."
    She brings her lips close to it and shouts "Hello?... Mom?"

    Mumbai to Pune

    Hot 3 years ago

    This happened about a month or two ago near Lonavala and even though it sounds like something out of the X-Files or from an Alfred Hitchcock movie... it's real! This guy drives from Mumbai to Pune and decides not to take the new expressway as he wants to see the scenery. The inevitable happens and when he reaches the ghats his car breaks down - he's stranded miles from nowhere. Having no choice he starts walking on the side of the road, hoping to get a lift to the nearest human habitation. It's dark and raining and pretty soon he's wet and shivering. The night rolls on and no car goes by, the monsoon rains are so strong he can hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he sees a car coming towards him. It slows and then stops next to him - without thinking the guy opens the car's door and jumps in. Seated in the back, he leans forward to thank the person who had saved him when he realizes there is nobody behind the wheel!!!
    Even though there's no one in the front seat and no more...

    Unengaged Brain

    Hot 4 years ago

    A blonde goes into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland. The man tells her it will be $300. She exclaims, "I don't have any money, but I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!!!"To that the man asks, "Anything??"And the blonde says, "Yes, anything!!"With that, the man says, "Follow me."He walks into the next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door."She does.He then says, "Get on your knees."She does.He then says, "Take down my zipper."She does.He then says, "Go ahead, take it out."With that she takes it out and takes hold of it with both hands.The man then says, "Well, go ahead!"She brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips, she says, "Hello...Mom?"

    Bedtime Football!

    Hot 5 years ago

    An old man and his wife had just gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the old man cut a fart and says, "Seven Points."
    His wife rolls over and asks, "What in the world was that?"
    The old man says, "Touchdown, I'm ahead 7 to nothing."
    A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, Tie score."
    After about ten minutes later the old man farts again and says, "Touchdown I'm ahead 14-7."
    Now starting to get into this, the wife quickly farts again and says, "Touchdown tie score."
    The old man strains really hard but to no avail; he can't fart, so not to be outdone by his wife, he gives it everything he has and poops in the bed.
    The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"
    The old man replies, "Half-Time, Switch-Sides"

  • Recent Activity