Biggest Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest tits?
A: The blonde, because she's 18.

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. Theyd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever sides dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms. The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler dogs in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. The used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it. "When the day came for th e fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund. more...

A penny will hide the biggest star in the universe if you hold it close enough to your eye.

I guess one of my biggest pet peeves is people who think they know everything. If they only knew how much they bug those of us who really do.
Seriously though, even the best of us have some imperfections. For example, God only granted me average looks; to compensate, He gave me near perfection in brains, talent, wit and charm.
There! See how irritating that can be? Trust me on this one, the thing that increases in size the most on any man when you stroke it is his ego.
Males don't corner the market on ego either. I know a Yuppette whose idea of being unfaithful is turning away from the mirror.
What exactly is an egotist? Easy - it's a person who thinks they're everything you already are.
Senior Managers at the Maryland State Highway had some of the biggest egos I've ever seen. Once during a road opening, a bad thunderstorm started to roll in. At the first loud boom of thunder, five of them stood up and bowed.
The Government is the loser on ego-maniacs though. more...

My brother's one of the biggest stickup men in town. Gosh is he really? Yes, he's a six-foot-six billposter.

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, removed his siblings, which gave him all the milk. After five years they came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen.Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it.When the day came for the dog fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way more...

3 Biggest Software Lies:
The program's fully tested and bugfree.
We're working on the documentation.
Of course we can modify it.
3 Biggest Computer Room Lies:
As long as you remember to 'SAVE' your input, you'll never lose any
files.
We run the stuff through as fast as it comes in the door.
The new machines on order.
3 Biggest Large Company Lies:
We have an entrepreneurial spirit here.
People are our greatest resource.
We say 'let the marketplace decide'.
3 Biggest Small Company Lies:
We have an entrepreneurial spirit here.
The boss is just one of the guys.
Staying small is a conscious decision.
3 Biggest Marketing Lies:
Immediate delivery?...No problem.
We treat every customer as if they were our most important.
We're going out to lunch to talk business.
3 Biggest Engineering Professor's Lies:
Some day this course will come in handy.
These tests are more trouble for me than they are for more...