Meanest Jokes

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    The big dog fight

    Hot 3 months ago

    The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.
    One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and which ever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.
    The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler bitches in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen.
    Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it. When the day came for the dog fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long more...

    Rough miner sex

    Hot 5 years ago

    One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town. "I'm lookin' for the meanest, roughest and toughest whore in the Yukon!" he said to the bartender.
    "We got her," replied the barkeep. "She's upstairs in the second room on the right."
    The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the whore and two beers. He grabbed the bottles, stomped up the stairs, kicked open the second door on the right and yelled, "I'm lookin' for the meanest, roughest and toughest whore in the Yukon!"
    The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said, "You found her!"
    Then she stripped naked, bent over and grabbed her ankles.
    "How do you know I want to do it in that position?" asked the miner.
    "I don't," replied the whore, "but I thought you might like to open those beers first."

    HOW TO SING THE BLUES
    Also known as "Post-Graduate Blues" - attrib. Memphis Earlene Gray. Used by permission.1. Most blues begin with "Woke up this morning."2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line. I got a good woman- with the meanest dog in town.3. Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it. Then find something else that rhymes. Sort of. "Got me a good woman with the meanest dog in town. He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and he weighs 'bout 500 pounds."4. The blues are not about limitless choices.5. Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.6. Teenagers can't sing the blues. Only adults sing the blues. Blues adulthood means old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis. (NOTE: Johny more...

    One day three young boys were playing, and talking about their home life with their parents. One little boy said, "It's about time I be getting home, because if I'm late for supper, my Dad will get mad and whip up on me. He's a real mean father."
    The second little boy said, "Your father ain't mean, I got the meanest Dad in the world."
    The first little boy said, "How come you say that?"
    The second little boy said, "Every time I go home, he slaps me if I say something, and if I don't say something he slaps me. Man I just don't know what to do anymore."
    The third little boy said, "Not me, I got the best Dad in the world. He plays with me, and do things with me. He's a real good Dad."
    The first two boys looked at him kind of funny and said, "Do he teach you how to do things too?"
    The third boy said, "He sho' do, he's teaching me how to swim! Every morning he takes me out to the middle of the lake, and more...

    The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, removed his siblings, which gave him all the milk. After five years they came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen.Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it.When the day came for the dog fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way more...

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