Assistant Jokes / Recent Jokes
Very Short Lists: 1) List of Golf Courses that do not allow Doctors2) List of all night Gay women's bars in Iran3) List of DR's who do gratis Brain Surgery4) List of Hospitals with Drive-Thru window Service5) List of Home cures for Ebola Virus6) List of Homeless Boston Debutantes7) List of Catholic Abortion referral services8) List of Women Rabbi's and assistant's9) List of Women Popes, Cardinals & Bishops10) List of Men's Rape assistant groups11) List of Battered Men's Help Groups12) List of Cuban registered voters13) List of Libyan registered women voters14) List of Libyan Licensed women truck drivers15) List of Libyan women lawyers16) List of Libyan women with PHD's17) List of Libyan Women Service Clubs18) List of interstate Highways with no Numbers19) List of U. S. Cops who have never eaten a doughnut20) List of People who have survived going over Niagara Falls21) List of People who have been in a UFO and are not crazy22) List of People who can whistle while drinking beer23) List more...
Definitions for assistant professors:
Academic Freedom:
being free to work any sixty hours of the week one likes.
Weekend:
those days on which one need neither dress well nor wash one's hair before coming to work.
Faculty Lounge:
one's office floor at 2:00 am.
Grade:
Your evaluation of a student's performance, based on your experience as a professional educator. You are allowed only to issue a single capital letter as your evalution. You must sign the submission of the grade, but it is a private record that you cannot disseminate. The student has recourse to several levels of appeal, as well as to legal action, if he or she feels the grade is inappropriate.
Student Teaching Evaluation:
A student's evaluation of your performance, based on his or her experience as a nineteen-year-old. The student can write whatever he or she likes. The student submits this evaluation anonymously, but it becomes a public document. You have absolutely no power to more...
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by GM Research physisists. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of zero. However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 asistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic number of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction that it comes in contact with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Adimnistratium caused one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normally occuered in less than one second. Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice more...
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by
physicists at Yale's Research Center. The element, tentatively named
administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic
number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons
75 vice- neutrons and 11 assistant vice-neutrons. This gives it an
atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus
by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles
called morons.
Since it has no electrons, administratium is inert. However, it can be
detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact
with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of administratium
caused a reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would
normally occur in less than one second.
Administratium has a normal life of approximately three years, at which
time it does not actually decay but, instead, undergoes more...
Administratrium, The New Element AMES, IA-The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by materials researchers at IPRT/ISU. The new element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons, and thus has an atomic weight of 0. However, it does have one neuron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of particles called morons.Since it has no electrons, Administratium is totally inert. However, it can be detected chemically, since it impedes every reaction it comes into contact with. According to its discovers, a tiny amount of Administratium caused on reaction to take over four days to complete; the normal reaction time is less than one second.Administratium has a normal half life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay, but instead undergoes a more...
The Mortitian arrived at the Mortuary one morning and wasaproached by his assistant."Anything interesting happen over-night", asked the mortitian."Yes", replied the assistant, "The most gorgeous 18 year-oldblond came in last night. Dead of course""What was the cause of death", enquired the mortition."I'm not sure", replied the assistant. "But she's got a Prawnstuck up her cunt!""Are you sure?", said the Mortitian."Yes, come and have a look for yourself", said the assistantopening the body bag. The mortitian closely examined the beautifuly trimmed snatch."That's not a prawn you stupid wanker", he responded, "That'sher clitoris""Are you sure?", said the assisitant,"'Cuz it certainly tasted like a prawn".
Hotel Letters
The following letters were taken from an actual incident between aLondon hotel and one of its guests. The hotel submitted the letters to the London SundayTimes for their humor column....
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Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little barsof soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the sixunopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in theshower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
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Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be backtomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dishas you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of yourKleenex dispenser in case you more...