Ability Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Suggestion box

    Hot 3 years ago

    I asked Dan Judd, a graduate student who works for me, to look into creating
    an electronic suggestion box for the dean of the college. This is what he
    came back with.
    Options for creating an anonymous suggestion box for the Dean.
    1) Slip note under Dean's door.
    Pro - Simple.
    Would cost less to implement than generating this report.
    Con - Only small notes fit.
    Not too anonymous in the middle of the day.
    2) Put note in box outside Dean's office.
    Pro - Simple.
    Anonymity reasonable during the day.
    Box can be easily emptied into trash at end of day.
    Con - Requires ability to find the Dean's office.
    Suggestions weighing more a few pounds unworkable.
    Box can be easily emptied into trash at end of day.
    Will probably get more gum wrappers that suggestions.
    3) Mail to an address that strips off headers and forwards to Dean.
    Pro - Easy to do from anywhere in the building.
    Big messages not a problem.
    Electronic more...

    Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.


    Hot 4 years ago

    A salesman for a new firm had had a very bad week. Endless meetings in a half dozen cities, no sales. He was bummed and just wanted to relax on his flight home from Kansas City. Luckily, it looked like he had all three seats to himself in his row and he gratefully closed his eyes awaiting take off.
    At the last minute, another passenger plopped down beside him. "Great, just great" he thought to himself. But then he opened his eyes and looked to see an absolutely gorgeous woman, blonde, green eyes, maybe 5 foot 4 inch, nicely built, well groomed and well dressed. Hmm, he thought, maybe my luck is going to change. She also still had a nametag on from something. So he turned to her and said "Hi, Masra. Are you traveling alone?"
    She laughed and said "Oh, that's not my name. I was the keynote speaker at a convention today and forgot to take the silly thing off. It stands for Midwest American Sexual Response Association."
    "Keynote huh? That more...

    Tact is the ability to close your mouth before somebody else wants to.

    Let's just say that in the movie version of your life, you'd be played by Pauly Shore.
    Your idea of "conquering Deep Blue" involves employing your gastro-intestinal system to attack the Tidy Bowl man.
    The computer: A highly sophisticated electronic brain from IBM. You: A highly intoxicated electrician from NJ.
    Before moving your queen, you insist on consulting Eddie Murphy.
    Computer: lauded by scientists for its ability to calculate millions of chess moves per minute. You: lauded by fraternity buddies for your ability to pass gas and burp simultaneously.
    You can't make a single move without thinking of huge juicy shrimp.
    In your circle, "castling" means holing-up in your trailer with an AK-47 and a bottle of bourbon.
    Your "garlic breath" strategy fails to intimidate this particular opponent.
    Your populist leanings always result in you inciting your pawns to wipe out their own king and queen.
    Kasparov's idol: Bobby more...

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