Ability Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.

    Suggestion box

    Hot 1 year ago

    I asked Dan Judd, a graduate student who works for me, to look into creating
    an electronic suggestion box for the dean of the college. This is what he
    came back with.
    Options for creating an anonymous suggestion box for the Dean.
    1) Slip note under Dean's door.
    Pro - Simple.
    Would cost less to implement than generating this report.
    Con - Only small notes fit.
    Not too anonymous in the middle of the day.
    2) Put note in box outside Dean's office.
    Pro - Simple.
    Anonymity reasonable during the day.
    Box can be easily emptied into trash at end of day.
    Con - Requires ability to find the Dean's office.
    Suggestions weighing more a few pounds unworkable.
    Box can be easily emptied into trash at end of day.
    Will probably get more gum wrappers that suggestions.
    3) Mail to an address that strips off headers and forwards to Dean.
    Pro - Easy to do from anywhere in the building.
    Big messages not a problem.
    Electronic more...

    M.A.S.R.A.

    Hot 2 years ago

    A salesman for a new firm had had a very bad week. Endless meetings in a half dozen cities, no sales. He was bummed and just wanted to relax on his flight home from Kansas City. Luckily, it looked like he had all three seats to himself in his row and he gratefully closed his eyes awaiting take off.
    At the last minute, another passenger plopped down beside him. "Great, just great" he thought to himself. But then he opened his eyes and looked to see an absolutely gorgeous woman, blonde, green eyes, maybe 5 foot 4 inch, nicely built, well groomed and well dressed. Hmm, he thought, maybe my luck is going to change. She also still had a nametag on from something. So he turned to her and said "Hi, Masra. Are you traveling alone?"
    She laughed and said "Oh, that's not my name. I was the keynote speaker at a convention today and forgot to take the silly thing off. It stands for Midwest American Sexual Response Association."
    "Keynote huh? That more...

    Tact is the ability to close your mouth before somebody else wants to.

    Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but he had two extra things left in his bag of creations, so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up while urinating. "It's a very handy thing", God told the couple, who he found under an apple tree. "I was wondering if either one of you wanted the ability."

    Adam jumped up and blurted, "Oh, give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems a sort of thing a man should do. Oh please, oh please, oh please, let me have that ability, It'd be so great! When I'm working in the garden or naming the animals, I could just stand there and let it fly. It'd be so cool, I could write my name in the sand. Oh please God, let it be me who you give that gift to, let me stand and pee, oh please...

    On and on he went like an excited little boy who had to pee. Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam more...

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