Processing Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt. 2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you. 3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the darn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with. 6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again. 7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files. 9. Use Interactive more...

    For years I badgered my mother with questions about whether Santa
    Claus is a real person or not. Her answer was always "Well, you asked
    for the presents and they came, didn't they?" I finally understood the
    full meaning of her reply when I heard the definition of a virtual
    device: "A software or hardware entity which responds to commands in a
    manner indistinguishable from the real device." Mother was telling me
    that Santa Claus is a virtual person (simulated by loving parents) who
    responds to requests from children in a manner indistinguishable from the
    real saint.
    Mother also taught the IF... THEN... ELSE structure: "If it's
    snowing, then put your boots on before you go to school; otherwise just
    wear your shoes."
    Mother explained the difference between batch and transaction processing:
    "We'll wash the white clothes when we get enough of them to make a load, but
    we'll wash these socks out right more...

    -==( Forwards beamed into deep space )==-
    "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?"
    "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology." (Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.)
    (Riker looks puzzled.) "What the hell is 'Microsoft'?"
    (Data turns to answer.) "Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called 'Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate."
    "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"
    "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a new version of itself known as an more...

    1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
    2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
    3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the darn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.
    4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
    5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with.
    6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again.
    7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
    8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret more...

    1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the it to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, and repeat the process for a good half hour.4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evily.5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to a different screen than the one it's set up with.6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again.7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.9. Use Interactive Send to more...

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